


Chronologic

by TheTeamSharpshooter



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: A god tier headcanon., Also Zoe Murphy, And Alana Beck, Angst, Basically I love the entirety of the DEH gang, Because Connor has no social skills, Bi Evan, Breaking into ice cream shops, Bulimia, Bulimic Jared Kleinman, But that's what fanfictions are for, But this is my fic, Connor has a really dark sense of humor, Connor has flashbacks: the movie, Damn Evan control your boyfriend smh, Did I mention I love Zoe Murphy?, Diverging from canon, Evan Hansen local Pomeranian, Evan and Connor are both twinks, Except Evan's dad, F/F, F/M, FIRST EVER FIC on AO3, Fluff, Gay Connor, Give me intelligent sassmaster Jared or give me death, He just kinda stares blankly, Hmm we shall see, I also love Jared Kleinman, I don't think I mentioned her, I have created hell, I love Zoe Murphy, I'm aware she is canonly not a lesbian, I'm becoming increasingly worried this fic will only be known for the Shrek parallels, I'm begging you, IT'S GAY, It's scaring everyone around him, Jared likes cardigans, Just think of that one Shrek movie, Kinda, Larry is a dick at first but he gets better, Lesbian Zoe, Let Connor be a musical nerd you coward, M/M, Mental Illness, Might include the BMC gang, Might involve characters from other musicals?, Mush is Jared's girlfriend in this fic fucking fight me, My Asexual ass is projecting onto Jared, My children all need hugs, Only with Jared honestly, Piii-iiinkberry, Please don't draw Connor and Evan as Shrek and Fiona, Seriously there's like a flashback every chapter, Shrek: Starring Connor Murphy as Shrek, So I Do What I Want, Softmushie - Freeform, Space nerd Jared?, Strangers to Lovers, Thems the facts, They're both nerds what more could you ask for, Time Travel AU, Tree Bros, We all know he ain't ace, Where he goes back in time and Fiona and his kids are gone?, Why did I make Evan so sassy, ace Jared, as a matter of fact, connor murphy/evan hansen - Freeform, fight me, fuck him, lesbian Alana, like damn, mild homophobia, so please bear with me, someone please stop me, tfw your husband is too perfect to handle, the fluffiest, will update as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-03-14 18:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTeamSharpshooter/pseuds/TheTeamSharpshooter
Summary: Connor Murphy has a pretty good life.A husband who loves him, friends who care about him, and a daughter who always keeps him on his toes.Yeah. Life is pretty sweet.That is, until one morning he wakes up to find himself in his teenage body.Well this is just fucking great.





	1. Eno tca

**Author's Note:**

> "No, no no no, it’s supposed to be 2024. The year is 2024."
> 
> Warnings:  
> None.

For once, Connor was not woken by the usual warm rays of sunshine streaming in through his windows, nor was he by the soft complaining and poking from his husband, insisting that it’s not healthy for him to sleep in this late. Rather, the jarring music of My Chemical Romance made him jolt upwards in bed, almost hitting his head on his slanted ceiling as he did so. He made a note of how cold it was; unusual for Florida. With a groan, he fumbled towards his phone, turning it off and falling backwards in his bed. He blinked the sleep from his eyes.

“Haha. Very funny, Ev. Is this because I forgot to wash Cecily’s hippo yesterday?”

He let out a weak chuckle. He knew that Evan was the type to occasionally play jokes on him, but this was borderline cruel. Or maybe he was just being dramatic. His laughter, however, stopped, when there was no response from the other side of the bed. He turned sleepy, lidded eyes towards the empty spot.

“Ev?”

He let himself dwell in his confusion for a moment, before the distant smell of less-than-appetizing food from downstairs filled the room and made Connor recoil. Evan was trying to make breakfast again, wasn’t he? Rolling his eyes, Connor got up, and only then did he realize that the bedroom he was in was not his own. He stopped, looking around. The plants on the windowsill had been replaced with an ashtray and crumpled up pieces of notebook paper, and the childish scribbles that usually hung proudly above his and Evan’s bed were gone, a hole punched in the cream colored wall instead. Connor’s eyes roamed the room in a daze, not really registering what was happening. Why was he in his old bedroom? Or rather, why was he in his parents’ house? He paused to take a deep breath.

_Right, there’s a logical explanation for this, Hansen. Maybe I just got drunk last night and completely forgot Evan and I went to stay with my parents. Yeah, that sounds about right._

He smoothed down his shirt absently, before walking down the stairs.

“Hey dad, have you seen Evan and Cecily anywhere?”

He walked over to the dinner table, where Larry was sitting and drinking a cup of coffee. He seemed to look younger today. Must be the caffeine. Larry paused, setting down his chipped off-white mug and glancing up at Connor with furrowed eyebrows.

“Who?”

Connor narrowed his eyes. Age must’ve been getting to his father.

“Cecily. Your granddaughter.”

Larry started at Connor, face painted with confusion, before his face lit up in revelation.

“Connor Lawrence Murphy, you’re high, aren’t you?”

Connor blinked, bewildered. So many things were wrong with that statement, like his dad referring to him as Murphy, and the fact he just accused him of being high. Everyone in the family knew that Connor had been making an effort to stay sober ever since him and Evan adopted Cecily.

“What? No, of course i’m not. Jesus, if something is wrong, you don’t need to take it out on me.”

He growled angrily at his father and walked off to the kitchen, wondering what the hell Larry’s problem was. Once in the large kitchen that adorned their stereotypical suburban house, he sat down on a bar stool, tapping his chipped black nails on the marble counter. Odd, he could’ve sworn he painted them purple just the other day. He glanced up to see his mom humming as she made what looked like a greenish-yellow version of eggs, covered with what looked like every spice in their Lazy Susan.

“Whatcha making?”

Cynthia paused to look at Connor, surprised, before going back to cooking and looking oddly happy.

“Well, I was going to make eggs benedict, but it didn’t exactly work out. So scrambled eggs it is.”

She paused, hesitating as she cast a worried glance to Connor.

“You’re going to eat today, right?”

Connor looked at the eggs, stomach churning at just the thought of eating them. He gave a resigned sigh. Sometimes he was too soft for his own good.  
“Yeah mom, i’m always up for your cooking.”

He gave her a forced smile, and she practically radiated sunshine as she began to collect plates to put the sad excuse for a breakfast on.  
“I don’t know what has you in such a good mood today, but I really appreciate it, Connor.”

She gave him a generous helping of eggs, and he reluctantly shoved a forkful in his mouth, giving her a pained thumbs up.

“It’s uh…”

He paused to force himself to swallow, resisting the urge to down every possible liquid in the fridge.

“It’s delicious, mom.”

She looked almost tearful at this, smiling and bringing the rest of the plates to the dining room and leaving Connor alone in the kitchen. He immediately bolted from the chair over to the fridge, grabbing the almost-empty container of milk and finishing it off. Not like Evan was here to yell at him for it. Just his luck though, since Zoe decided to walk in at that moment. She stared at him, crossing her arms and shooting him a glare that brought down his good mood immediately.

“You finished the milk again, didn’t you?”

He paused, swallowing and setting down the empty carton.

“Uh… Sorry. Mom’s cooking, you know…”

He gave a nervous laugh, before glancing around her.

“Is Alana with you?”

Zoe blinked.

“Like, Alana Beck? From school?”

Connor narrowed his eyes. God, why was everyone acting so weird today?

“Not sure why you would refer to her by her maiden name, but sure. I didn’t know you guys were visiting mom and dad too.”  
Zoe cocked her head at him, confused, before she gave a resigned grunt, shoving past him.

“You’re so weird…”

He watched her leave, unmoving, before giving an annoyed grunt and crushing the empty milk carton in his hands. God, what was everyone’s problem today? Mood permanently soured, he stormed into the dining room, slumping down into a seat.

He already ate, or at least tried to, so Connor resigned to pouting at the table. Old habits die hard. He pulled out his phone, sighing as he realized the screen was cracked, before swiping along it to unlock it.

Connor thought back on the the morning as he scrolled down tumblr. This day had been odd, and that was just putting it lightly. Larry and Zoe had both been complete assholes to him, and Cynthia and nearly started crying at a mere compliment from him.

Connor’s train of thought stopped when he saw the date on his phone.

August 15, 2016.

He dropped his phone, and it clattered abruptly on the finished wood as he stood up from the table. The puzzle pieces suddenly fit in place, and he took in a sharp breath, gripping the edges of the table and digging them into his palms in a pathetic attempt to get a hold of his emotions.

His family all looked up at him in unison, and two out of three were giving him unamused glares. His mother, however, looked worried. She stood and immediately put a hand on his back.

“Connor, honey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

He sucked in the air through his teeth, staring at his phone as it shut off from inactivity.

“It’s… It’s 2016.”

She paused, hand lifting away from his back slightly. When she spoke again, she had a confused, yet cautious tone to her voice.

“Yes, what about it?”

Connor’s mind was racing a thousand miles a second. He fought back the urge to scream, and prayed that this was a nightmare.

“No, no no no, it’s supposed to be 2024. The year is 2024.”

It was like someone had used a mute button on his family, because they all fell silent, not knowing what to say. The tense moment was only broken when Zoe spoke up, a disgusted snarl in her voice.

“Jesus Connor, did you move on from weed to crack?”

Cynthia turned around abruptly, looking down at Zoe disapprovingly.

“Zoe, you do not accuse people of such things, especially your brother.”

Zoe stood, the chair screeching violently behind her. She was fuming, staring at Connor with a hatred that he hadn’t seen on her in years.

“Why not? He’s obviously high on something! I don’t want him freaking out and killing us all!”

The two women of the house launched into an argument, leaving Connor sitting there in his chair, clutching his hands against his ears desperately and hoping, praying to wake up from whatever hellish nightmare this was. He had a husband. He had a daughter. This had to be some kind of sick fever dream. All three of them were snapped out of their confusion when Larry’s fist pounded on the table, akin to how a judge would bang his gavel. It commanded silence and obedience.

“That’s enough, all of you. Connor, I don’t know what you’re on, nor do I care. It’s time for your first day of school, and before you ask, no, you will not be skipping today. You two go grab your things.”

Zoe merely glared at her panicked-looking brother, before storming off to grab her things for school. Connor slowly stood on shaky legs, struggling to take in a breath and comprehend what was happening. He was hoping, no, praying for Evan to walk in with Cecily, and then they would all have a laugh about how much they scared Connor, and he’d be too relieved to be upset, and then they’d all go out for pizza, and then Evan would give him apology kisses.

Unfortunately, as time passed and Connor sat there in a daze, he soon came to find out that wasn’t happening. He cast a glance towards his parents, who were busy clearing up breakfast and getting ready for work, respectively. He stood, deciding absently to go along with whatever kind of tomfuckery this was, and left to his room.  
Connor stood in front of the mirror, trying to process what was happening. He seemed younger. No, scratch that, he was definitely younger. He looked more tired, and his hair was a greasy, unwashed mess. He was wearing his painfully familiar black hoodie, the one with the brownish-gold paint stains from when he was forced to help dad paint the kitchen. Connor sucked in a deep breath, before pacing around his room and stumbling over discarded pieces of clothing every so often.

“Alright Connor, this is, uh… Shit. You don’t know what the fuck is going on, but you can do this. Just go along with whatever is happening, and maybe you can fix this.”

He sighed, before stripping off his dirty clothes. Just because he’s in the body of teenage Connor doesn’t mean he is teenage Connor. Totally different, he reasoned to himself. He opted instead to change into a dark red button-down and black skinny jeans. Maybe a bit too formal for the first day of school, but he didn’t want to see Evan while looking like a walking trash bag.

_Evan._

Connor let out a shaky sigh. That’s right. Cecily, his relationship with Evan, everything they had built together over the years was just… gone. He willed himself to calm his shaking hands, before glancing at the digital clock by his bed, the neon green lettering blinking 7:40. He had a bit of time. With a small glance down at his old black nail polish, he grabbed a bright crimson color from under his bed, along with some nail polish remover. It wouldn’t be the most precise in the world, but he had a bit of time to touch up his nails.

Ten minutes later, Zoe was impatiently honking the horn of their parents' brand new SUV, the stereotypical kind you find in the driveway of every suburban home. Connor was inspecting his now red nails, which vaguely reminded him of the ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz. He let out a small sigh, remembering how he never painted his nails black once he and Evan moved in together. To him, it was a sign of him going back to his old ways. Color meant progress. At least, that’s what Evan told him. It didn’t exactly make sense, but he was just trying to make Connor feel better, and he appreciated that. Nonetheless, he followed that quote, and all the other stupid nonsense quotes that his husband cheerfully provided on a daily basis. Connor smiled fondly at the warm, albeit overly-bright color, until Zoe’s persistent honking snapped him out of his reminiscing. With a small sigh, he picked up his messenger bag and ran out towards the car.

 

_First thing’s first. Find Evan._


	2. Em ta kcab gnivaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to calm down before you hurt someone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for the overwhelming support on the last chapter. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this, and please let me know if you see any typos.  
> This is a fluff chapter with a bit of angst~
> 
> Warnings:  
> Mild homophobic slurs  
> Anger episode (is that what it's called?)

As Connor practically dragged himself off his leather seat to exit the car, he stared up at the school silently, waves of disgusted nostalgia washing over him. It wasn’t that he hated the school, it was just… Okay, yeah. He hated the school. But who could blame him? Everything about it, from the faded red bricks, to the black and white lettering of the rusted marquee by the parking lot, was just a painful reminder to Connor of some of his darkest memories. Some of the worst years of his life were spent in this god-forsaken building, and no matter how many years had passed, Connor had never lost his hatred for the place. But, if he was going to find Evan, it was going to be here. Before he could begin the horror movie-esque walk from the parking lot to the entrance, a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He whirled around to see Zoe staring at the ground, scratching at the scars doodled on her jeans.

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize. For this morning, I mean. It was kind of an asshole thing to do, and you were actually trying to be nice today. So thanks, I guess. Just, if anything is up, just let me know?”

Zoe immediately tensed up, waiting for some kind of negative reaction. Connor felt a pang in his chest at this, and went to accept her apology, before a small voice in the back of his head scolded him.

_You don’t know how this time travel stuff works, Connor. Maybe this time’s real Connor is stuck in your body with you. You could mess all of this up by acting different. But at the same time… No. You can make an exception. She’s your sister, not your enemy._

Connor gave a resigned sigh, crossing his arms and flashing Zoe a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, i’ll keep that in mind, Zoe.”

He felt just a bit better about having to go to school as he watched his little sister’s expression brighten a little. She grinned, then paused, before coughing into her hand.

“Okay, cool.”

Connor slowly turned and watched her disappear into the crowd of teenagers streaming into the school, and he snickered, running his fingers through his brunet curls. Seemed Zoe carried the Murphy trait of not knowing how to talk to people.

He toyed with the sleeves of his button-down, before straightening his back and striding into the school, trying to ignore how everyone else was shuffling away from him, failing horribly at trying to be subtle. He hated to admit that while he was no longer an actual mean person, he would always have the look and the reputation. He had always given off the violent psycho vibe, even after eight years of therapy and medication. Some things can’t be changed, after all.

\---------------

  
Turned out, being stuck in the past wasn’t as shitty as Connor thought. For one, he could easily list off which of his classmates turned out to be deadbeats, and which ones didn’t. This made their never-ending torment much more bearable, and he couldn’t help but let a shit-eating grin spread across his face, earning him confused and disturbed looks alike. A man with tousled chestnut hair and a red letterman jacket, who Connor recognized as the quarterback of the football team, whispered something to a shorter, yet similar looking man. The two snickered as they stared at him, mumbling “fag” as he passed. Yet somehow, Connor was unfazed. He just grinned, knowing that they both were going to eventually end up as gas station attendants.

His smile disappeared, however, when he came face-to-face with easily the most punchable face he had ever seen.

Jared Kleinman glanced up from his old-school gameboy, looking Connor up and down like he was Simon Cowell judging a mediocre singer. Connor recognized that look, and immediately tightened his grip on the strap of his bag.

“Connor, loving the new hair length! Very…”

He paused, gesturing to his hair. Connor instinctively tucked his brunet curls behind his ear, feeling an old yet familiar swarm of red-hot emotions rise up inside of him.

“School shooter chic.”

He glared down at the ground, balling his hands into fists. He didn’t feel enraged, not so much like he used to, at least. He instead felt… broken down. Like his progress didn’t matter to anyone. Like everything he had worked so hard to achieve was something for other people to scoff and laugh at him over. He knew that this was ridiculous, but his brewing anger was blocking out his common sense. After a bit of staring bitterly at the ground, Jared’s rather obnoxious voice stood out again.

“I was just kidding. It was a joke?”

Connor dared his eyes to glance up at Kleinman, his vision red. It was hard to see clearly, or think clearly, for that matter. He had a small realization in the back of his mind, one that whispered to him urgently.

_You need to calm down before you hurt someone._

“Yeah, no, it was funny. I’m laughing. Can’t you tell?”

He growled out bitterly, voice laced with venom as he looked up at Jared and tried to will away the familiar burning of tears in his eyes. His demeanor became cold and hostile, and a part of him hated himself for it.

“Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

The volume of his voice raised a little, and he took a step forward, noting how the two out-of-focus figures flinched back slightly. He hated it. He hated how everyone was always going to be scared of him, no matter how hard he tried to get better. He did everything he was supposed to do to be a normal person, and what was his award? Being sent to the past.

Jared let out a small scoff, turning on his heel and gesturing for the figure beside him to follow.

“You’re such a freak.”

He left. The figure, who Connor vaguely noted was hunched over, practically radiated fear. He let out a small huff of nervous laughter, which made Connor’s head snap up. His crimson line of sight only darkened.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?”

The figure immediately crossed their arms over their chest, speaking like they were constantly out of breath.

“What?”

Another step forward. Connor glared bitterly at them.

“Stop fucking laughing at me!”

“No i’m not-”

He began moving towards the red figure, losing any self-control he might have had earlier.

“You think i’m a freak?!”

They shrunk back.

“No, I-I don’t-”

“I’m not the freak!”

He came closer and closer to the figure, raising his arms to shove them into the locker as he passed.

“You’re the fucking-”

At the last second, he noticed an odd deformity on the figure’s arm. He stared at it with furrowed eyebrows, and his anger was replaced with shock as he recognized it as a cast. He blinked, and looked up at Evan’s frightened blue eyes.

“You’re…”

He took a step back, tugging on his hair.

_No, no no no. You were supposed to find him, Connor. You… He hates you now. He hates you._

He looked at Evan, avoiding his eyes as he let out a small heartbroken murmur.

“I’m so sorry…”

He ran past the boy, leaving him staring after him in shocked silence. Fuck this. Fuck school. Fuck time travel. His eyes darted around as he tried to remember where the school’s exit was, and once his eyes landed on the vaguely familiar red doors, he bolted towards them.

\---------------

Connor leaned against the outer wall of the back of the school, struggling to catch his breath and willing himself not to scream and punch something. At that moment, his legs decided to give out, resulting in him sinking down to the grass, not caring that they would stain his clothes. He rhythmically thudded the back of his head against the wall, enough to send a dull ache through it every time.

After a bit of this, Connor had a headache that would probably take an entire bottle of Advil to get rid of, yet he somehow even felt more like a piece of shit. He stood, resigning himself to go back inside and face the rest of the school day. Only, he never got the chance to do that, because a painfully familiar boy appeared in the doorway.

“Um… Y-You’re Connor?”

He opened his mouth to respond, only for Evan to immediately start rambling.

“I’m sorry I don’t know why I said that as a question of course your name is Connor I mean you’re Zoe’s brother but not that’s not why I know your name I don’t associate you with her you probably hate it when people do that I mean if people do that and uh-”

He paused to catch his breath, and it took all of Connor’s will-power for him to not pull this boy into a hug. Evan swallowed, tugging at the seams of his polo.

“S-Sorry…”

Connor let out a laugh that he hoped didn’t sound too forced, putting his hands in his pockets.

“You apologize a lot.”

He laughed nervously.

“Sorry.”

Connor let out a small sigh. In a way, being in the past made him realize just how much better Evan had been getting. Sure, he noticed the improvement, in a sense, but comparing his Evan to this past Evan, there was a very clear difference. This Evan didn’t know how to start a conversation, never mind hold one, and he always gave off the vibe like he was bracing himself to be punched. Connor thought he could read this Evan like a book. Apparently not though, because what he said next left Connor reeling and trying to mask his surprise at the sudden boldness of the boy.

“Why d-did you apologize?”

Connor eyes snapped towards him, causing the blond to flinch back slightly.

“You’re not the only one who apologizes to people, you know.”

Evan picked at his blank cast, nodding slowly.

“W-Well, I know, but, y-you’re Connor Mur-Murphy? You nev-never seem to care about what other people… Uhm... T-think…”

Connor shrugged, leaning against the wall.

“Well, I have more than one side, I guess. We all kinda do. Even you, Ros- Hansen.”

Evan blinked at him.

“H-How do you know my name?”

Connor blinked. Then panicked.

“Oh, I uhm, it’s kind of hard not to notice you. You stand out.”

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say, because Evan’s eyes widened, which was Connor’s fault. He knew that the anxious boy was comfortable with being invisible, whether he truly wanted to be or not. As a result, this revelation no doubt spooked him. Connor quickly went to correct himself.

“Not in a bad way though!”

The blond blinked at him owlishly.

“Like, I dunno, you’re not a complete asshole. You’re just… Genuine.”

This was the safest route Connor could go. Of course, he wanted to say so much more. Talk about every little quirk and fidget Evan had that made Connor fall even more in love with him than he thought was possible. How even though there were lots of things he so often messed up, he put his heart into everything he did, and to Connor, that made him perfect. Instead though, Connor shut his mouth, willing his expression to not show the immense amount of affection he had for this boy. Evan slowly nodded, staring at the ground as he processed this.

“No one has re-really… Uhm… S-said that to me before. Thank you.”

Connor gave a small smile, giving him a slight nudge with his elbow.

“No problem.”

He hesitated.

“Dude.”

The two fell into an awkward silence, albeit not exactly a tense one. Connor instead decided to focus on the faded red bricks of the school’s outer wall, while simultaneously trying not to focus on how it was currently burning his back through his thin red shirt. The small “tic tic” noise of Evan picking at his cast gave Connor a realization, however.

“No one’s signed your cast.”

Evan looked up at Connor, then back down at his cast, then back up again, like a child who was in the process of pretending to be bewildered that their mother found the cookie jar empty.

“Oh, uhm, I know.”

“Well, i’ll sign it.”

Evan immediately launched into a flurry of excuses, which Connor was of course prepared for.

“Oh no you don’t really have to I don’t wanna be a burden-”

Connor let out a gentle “shh” noise, earning a confused look from Evan, before he quickly cleared his throat to mask his embarrassment.

“Do you have a sharpie?”

Evan hesitated for a second, before fumbling to wipe his hands on his khakis and grab a marker from his pocket, handing it to Connor. The taller boy grabbed his arm gingerly, tugging it towards himself to give Evan the cue to move forward a bit. He was careful not to hurt him. A mumbled apology from Connor and a few quick swipes of the marker later, the cast was adorned with the word C O N N O R, adorned in bold marker strokes that took up the whole cast. After a bit of consideration, he quickly doodled a little tree next to it, remembering how his husband still had a fascination with flora, even after all these years. Good thing his job worked out for him, though it didn’t help when Connor caught him awake at three AM, drinking decaffeinated coffee and sleepily mumbling “I just gotta finish two more pages for this article on Trembling Giant trees. Did you know they’re all connected by one big underground root system?” To which Connor would softly reply, “Rosebud, you’ve told me at least a hundred times. Just come to bed, you can finish tomorrow.” And with a resigned sigh, he would reluctantly agree to go to bed, and maybe Evan would let them sleep past 9 AM for once.

Evan stepped back, inspecting the cast with an unreadable expression, impossibly bright blue eyes lighting up slightly upon seeing the tree, before he looked back up to Connor.

“Oh… Thanks.”

Connor nodded and checked his phone, looking at the time.

“It’s 8:14, so I think it’s safe to say we’re both gonna be late.”

Evan sprang up, eyes wide.

“Oh god, C-Calculus is acr-across the school! God, i’m gonna be l-late on my f-first day…”

The brunet tilted his head to the side.

“You’ll make it if you run.”

At that, Evan let out a small snort of laughter that made Connor's heart do a backflip, looking up at him.

“I-I’m not running to cl-class.”

Connor shrugged, turning to open the doors to the school.

“Why not? We’re going to the same place, and no one is even walking in the halls. I’ll race you there.”

Evan huffed and crossed his arms, staring at the floor. The taller boy snickered, tapping his worn combat boot on the ground.

“Do you really wanna be late on your first day, Hansen?”

Eventually, the boy gave a resigned sigh, straightening his back a bit and standing next to Connor.

“F-Fine, but if we get in trouble, yo-you’re taking the fall.”

He chuckled softly under his breath, sneaking a side-glance towards the boy.

_I wouldn’t have it any other way._

“Fine. On your marks, get set...”

Connor took off, grinning maniacally, while Evan let out an offended yelp.

“Cheater!”

 

The two sped down the hall, and just for a moment, Connor thought that maybe, just maybe, he had a chance at fixing this.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I ended up writing the final draft of this chapter with a pounding headache, which is a tell-tale sign of me getting sick. So going by that, this can go one of three ways.
> 
> 1\. I get sick and won't be able to work on the fic for a few days
> 
> 2\. I get sick and end up being well enough to have tons of free time for the fic
> 
> 3\. I end up not getting sick at all, and chapters will resume as usual
> 
> As always, please leave feedback and criticisms! Have a wonderful day!


	3. Ssalg eht no gnippat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Connor glanced back to the flock of Juniors, and couldn’t help but feel like he was leading them like ducklings."

The week following the first day of school ended up being a typical, almost mundane ritual, at least for Connor. You wouldn’t think that in the sort of situation that time travel puts you in, nothing would be mundane, but you’d be wrong.

He’d get up, shower, get dressed, then proceed to go downstairs and try not to choke on his mother’s cooking. Afterwards it would be a simple mission of going to school and trying to make it so Evan stopped jumping out of his skin whenever Connor, or anyone for that matter, approached. However, the third part of his ritual proved to be tougher than it seemed, considering teenage Connor was… Connor. He knew he wasn’t in the best shape at that age, but comparing his present self to his past self, he realized how much he had almost no self-worth. He had hated himself more than he hated anyone else. This came as sort of a bittersweet relief to him, knowing that he was going to end up just fine. However, this also brought back the painful aching in his heart whenever he thought about his family. Still, it was an improvement from Connor’s complete mental breakdowns, which had happened at least four times that week.

The tired boy stared at his closet wistfully as he searched through it for a decent outfit. It had been hard enough for him to look at least mildly fashionable, what with his limited options (shirts and jeans in every possible shade of black). Eventually, he gave up, sighing as he walked out of his room. He didn’t know why he was getting so bent out of shape about clothes in the first place. It had never mattered to him as a teenager, but once he got into college, if it didn’t color-coordinate, he wouldn’t wear it. Per Evan’s requests, he even bought himself a few pastels, including a light pink crop top that he refused to wear in public, despite his then-boyfriend’s disappointed whining.

Connor snapped out of his reminiscing. God, he had to stop doing that. Eventually, he gave up, stepping out of his room in his pajamas. Unfortunately, he only owned one pair, and that was just sweatpants and an oversized shirt from Spencer’s that read “Go fuck yourself”, decorated with pictures of tropical flowers.

_Very classy, me._

He was about to head downstairs to breakfast, when a quick glance to Zoe’s scratch-and-sniff sticker-covered door gave him an idea. He hesitated, before going over to it and knocking on it. After a moment, Zoe’s voice rang out.

“Just a second!”

There was the pittering of socks moving quickly along the carpet, before Zoe’s door opened. Her face went through a series emotions, starting with surprise, to hostility, to suspicion. Her eyes flickered down to Connor’s shirt, unamused.

“Classy.”

Connor rocked back and forth on his heels, giving her a sheepish look.

“Uh, yeah. I kind of don’t have anything left to wear, and I was just wondering if you had something.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorway.

“You do realize everything I own is straight from Kate Spade?”

Connor shrugged.

“I don’t really care. I just… Never really had the time to go clothes shopping, I guess. Some color would be nice.”

At that, Zoe straightened up, rubbing her chin like some kind of philosopher.

“Hm… Alright, alright. I might have something.”

She gestured for Connor to follow her into her room, and Connor stepped inside. It had been years since he had been in his sister’s room, and it was more or less how he remembered it. The wall was a royal purple, painted meticulously with different sized black polka-dots. No one who was seeing the room for the first time would know about wall color, though, considering posters and stickers were scattered all across the wall, completely covering the paint in an odd mix of organized and messy decor. Connor was busy studying a poster that had some weird boy band called BTS on it, when Zoe emerged from the closet holding a sweater. It was cream colored, with small beads along the collar and lace falling from a small tear-drop shaped hole in the chest.

“Is this okay?”

Connor took it, shrugging.

“Yeah, this is fine.”

Zoe grinned, thrusting it into his arms.

“Good. Go put it on and make yourself look presentable.”

He blinked, confused.

“I just needed a shirt, Zo. I’m not walking down a runway.”

His little sister gave a heavy sigh, leaning against the frame of her bed. It was then that Connor noticed that Zoe was all “dolled up”, or so the kids say these days. She paused, picking up a comb and carefully brushing out her dirty blonde waves.

“I’m going to the mall with a few friends, and… Well, do you feel like coming? You said you needed clothes.”

Connor’s eyes widened slightly. Of course, he hung out with his little sister all the time, when they weren’t busy with their respective spouses. This was nothing new to him. However, it was more than surprising how Zoe was willing to give him another chance at being a decent brother so quickly. It had taken a solid two years for her to trust him not to try to completely ruin her friendships again, so why had she warmed up to him so quickly in the span of a week? Connor smiled at her.

 _Well, whatever. I’m glad past me didn’t do too much damage before I showed up._  
“Really? That’d be awesome.”

She grinned, like she had been expecting him to say yes. Connor had a sneaking suspicion she could read minds.

“Cool. Just… I need you to promise me you won’t freak out, okay?”

She said this with hesitation, expecting Connor to lash out. He stopped himself from letting out a sigh, and instead gave her a forced, reassuring smile.

“I won’t.”

Then, unexpectedly, Zoe put up her middle finger.

“Fucking promise.”

Connor leaned back, eyes widening.

“What?”

His sister grinned stupidly.

“I made it up. It’s like a pinkie promise, but more serious. Fucking promise.”

He rolled his eyes, holding up his middle finger and wrapping it around hers.

“Fine, I _fucking promise_. Happy?”

She nodded, and before Connor knew it, she was quickly ushering him out of the room.

“Now shoo, I gotta change.”

And then, the door was slamming behind Connor, as he stood in the hallway with a confused look on his face.

_Man, was Zoe always this weird?_

He shrugged, chuckling to himself as he looked at the sweater in his arms. He walked into his bedroom, and ignored the small worried voice in the back of his head telling him that he never recalled Zoe doing that pinkie promise before.

 

Fast forward two hours, and Connor, followed by a gaggle of Junior girls, were wandering around the mall, each of them carrying food court pretzels and bags upon bags of Bath and Body Works lotions. Well, all except for Connor, who was instead carrying enough clothes from Zara to fill a truck. Malls had long since stopped being popular, at least in Connor’s time, what with online shopping only becoming more of a normal thing as the years passed. Zara, unfortunately, wasn’t one of the stores that were able to stick around, so Connor was gonna take advantage of this in any way he could. He glanced back to the flock of Juniors, and couldn’t help but feel like he was leading them like ducklings. He paused, trying to pick out his sister’s profile from the group, before finally he noticed her. Upon his eyes landing on her, Connor immediately noticed that she was staring at one of the girls in the group, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. When he turned to see who she was looking at, he saw… _Oh._ He slightly smirked to himself. Pure, sweet, Zoe was making heart eyes at Alana Beck. He kept himself from cackling.

_Time to put your big brother skills to good use, Hansen._

The brunet approached the two girls, and with a grin, he set down his bags.

“Hey Mini-Murphy. I heard a new Pinkberry just opened up where that weird cookie cake store used to be. You and Alana should go check it out.”

Before Zoe could get a word out to scold Connor, Alana was grinning and grabbing her arm.

“That sounds amazing! I haven’t had frozen yogurt in forever.”

Zoe’s eyes flickered from Alana’s face, to her arm, and back to her face. She noticeably reddened, and her voice was raised an octave when she spoke again.

“S-Sounds good.”

Alana paused to fix her glasses, looking up at Connor and beaming.

“We’ll catch up later!”

With that, the two were running off to Pinkberry, leaving Connor smirking and mock-brushing the dust off his shoulder. He paused and glanced around, realizing that the other various friends of Zoe’s (that Connor didn’t quite remember the names of) had run off, leaving the brunet standing awkwardly by himself in the middle of the mall. He blinked, then began looking around for something to do. His eyes landed on a Powell’s Books. He grinned, memories of his childhood flooding back to him. His father would occasionally bring him and Zoe into one of the Powell chains, and Connor would gleefully scour through their comic books sections, while Zoe would grab armfuls of teen magazines, even though the quizzes in them were always filled out already.

Connor hesitated, before entering the store.

The bookstore (library?) itself generally looked the same among most of its chains. Shelves upon shelves of books on seemingly every subject. But of course, isn’t that what bookstores were supposed to look like? He adjusted his bags until they were lazily slung over his shoulder, and approached the front desk. The librarian, who was a woman with ashy gray hair and a permanent scowl, was busy reading a book on owls. Seemed her work was cut out for her. She let out a small snort, closing the book with a resounding thud.

“What can I help you with?”

The old woman spoke in a surprisingly elegant voice, and Connor had the feeling she was the type of person to splash hot tea on someone’s face because they looked at her the wrong way.

“I’m looking for books on time travel?"

The woman, whose name tag read “Rose”, tapped her pointed, manicured nails on the table in thought.

“Second floor, first shelf on your left. Can’t miss it.”

Connor gave a hasty nod, before turning and climbing the spiral staircase of the library two steps at a time. Eventually, his eyes landed on the non-fiction section. He walked over to a shelf, scanning the books, before he saw one that looked somewhat helpful. He pulled it out, and almost jumped when he turned, face-to-face with Evan fucking Hansen.

“Oh, uhm, s-sorry!”

Connor let out a strangled gasp, leaning against the bookshelf and clutching his chest.

“Fucking hell Hansen, you scared the soul out of me!”

Evan paused, before slowly raising an eyebrow.

“The soul?”

Connor whirled around to face him, almost slapping himself in the face with his own hair. He grinned teasingly.

“Yup. My soul is gone, i’m nothing but an empty husk now.”

He watched with bated breath as Evan remained expressionless. Luckily, Evan’s confused expression slowly turned into a small side-smirk, one that could easily convince Connor to kill a man, if Evan wanted. The blond let out a small thoughtful hum, tapping his pen on the cover of Connor’s book.

“Well, in that case, I don’t think you want…”

He paused to peer over at the book, trying to read the cover.

“Physics of the Impossible. I’d recommend So Now You’re a Zombie. Should be in the humour section.”

He grinned, glancing to the books behind Connor, before casually reorganizing a few. Connor turned, leaning against the bookshelf and shooting the shorter boy the best flirtatious look he possibly could.

“I dunno, I might get lost. Mind showing me where it is?”

Evan turned back around, chewing on the end of his pen for a second, before sighing softly. His cocky grin turned into a small, genuine smile, albeit one tinged with a bit of nervousness.

“I still can’t believe you convinced me to run through the halls.”

The brunet gave him an awkward grin, shifting so his side wasn’t digging into the edge of the bookshelf.

“Hey, my ideas aren’t the best, but they work. Didn’t we both make it to class on time?”

Evan nodded slowly.

“Mm, i’ll give you that, but I still think I would’ve won if you hadn’t cheated.”

In response to this, Connor gave a small snort of disbelief.

“Please, even if you had a head start, I still would’ve won. Look at me. I’m like, ninety percent leg.”

Evan laughed softly, a sound that reminded Connor of chimes and made his heart feel like it was trying to squeeze itself to death. This stopped, however, when his phone started playing a song. **“** **You've got potential, little parasite. I tie your hands so I can wish you well-** **”**

Evan fumbled with the phone before picking up, his face bright red. Connor, for the sake of common human decency, hid his laughter behind his hand. The shorter of the two shot him a dirty look, before quickly lowering his voice and plugging his other ear.

“Hey mom.”

He paused, and his playfully annoyed look slowly faded away, replaced by a look of disappointment. As awful as it sounded, Connor had the sudden urge to punch his mom.

“Yeah, no, that’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Mhm, love you. See you later.”

He hung up, giving a frustrated sigh before stuffing his phone back in his pocket. Connor glanced at him, tilting his head slightly.

“Something wrong?”

Evan paused, picking at his cast, which still had Connor’s signature on it. His claim of Evan, in a way.

_Don’t call him your claim, that’s weird. You’re weird._

He forced his gaze away from the cast as Evan began to spoke, lowly, but hesitantly.

“Uh, it’s just my mom. I don’t see her a lot, and her and I were supposed to have taco night tonight, but uh… She had to work.”

He hesitated, before his eyes widened.

“N-NotToSayI’mUpsetAtHerForIt! IUnderstandSheHasToWorkToSupportMeIJustWishICouldSeeHerMoreOftenButIt’sReallyNotThatBigOfADeal-”

Connor shushed him abruptly, and the doe-eyed boy quieted down almost immediately. Connor sucked in a deep breath, looked him square in the eyes, and tried to sound like the most nonchalant person in the world.

“No big, you could just come over to my house.”

Evan hesitated in picking up his pen, which he had dropped in the middle of his flurry of trying to explain himself.

“Are you sure?”

Connor shrugged.

“Yeah, my mom would love if I had guests over.”

He was not exaggerating about this, distinctly remembering the first time he brought Evan over. The result from his family was mixed expressions of excitement and bewilderment cast upon them, like a charm. Sure, him and his father had gotten into a fight, resulting in Connor practically dragging Evan upstairs, but it had resulted in Evan passing out on Connor’s bed, which is an experience that Connor certainly didn’t regret in the slightest. He blinked, suddenly realizing that Evan was saying something.

“Oh, uh… Can you repeat?”

Evan gave a small nervous huff, nodding as he picked at his cast.

“If it’s no trouble, th-then sure.”

Connor grinned, bumping his shoulder affectionately.

“It won’t be. Can I have your number?”

He took out his phone, and Evan wiped his hands on his pants before mashing his phone number into Connor’s contacts. The brunet gave him a reassuring smile, tucking his phone in his pocket.

“Alright, cool. Does five work out for you?”

Evan nodded slowly, not saying anything. To say he seemed nervous was putting it lightly, but Connor didn’t want to pressure him. He was careful to keep his distance, knowing how the boy felt about people being too close to him.

“Alright. Catch you later, Hansen.”

He gave him a salute, before he turned on his heel, going to walk out. He was stopped, however, by a hand tugging on his sleeve. He turned back around to see Evan, faintly red and staring at the ground.  
“Uhm… Thanks. For being nice to me.”

Connor paused, tapping his foot on the ground and crossing his arms. He raised an eyebrow.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

A shrug.

“I… People don’t really like to put up with me? I uhm… Jared says I cry a lot, so uhm, I understand if you don’t wanna be around me.”

There was a moment of silence between the two, and the nervous boy standing before Connor looked like he would rather be dead than having this conversation.

“Do you?”

He glanced up slowly.

"Do I what?"

"Do you cry a lot?"

“N-No, I guess not.”

Connor shrugged, turning back around to leave. He no doubt had been in the bookstore for way too long, and Zoe would probably be suspicious. He didn’t want her to think there was a relationship when there wasn’t one. Yet.

“Then you don’t. Simple as that.”

With those final words, Connor left the library, leaving Evan to go back to doing his job. He stepped out into the concourse, the physics book tucked under his arm, along with the rest of his shopping bags. He opened his phone, smiling softly at Evan’s contact. It was Evan’s name, a tree and a sun emoji after it. He scrolled down his list of contacts, which wasn’t very big, until he came to Zoe’s name. He paused, looking at the contact name. It read one simple word. “Bitch”. He frowned, changing the name to “Zo” before sending her a text.

C: “ _Hey, i’m in front of Powell’s.”_

A few seconds later, his phone dinged.

Z: “ _k be there in a min”_

C _: “How’s the date with Alana going?”_

Z _: “shut your fuck its not a date”_

C: “ _Bullshit. My gaydar is never wrong.”_

Z: “ _I SAID SHUT YOUR FUCK”_

C: “ _Haha okay okay, see you in a minute.”_

Z: _“ttyl”_

Connor shut off his phone with a sigh, putting it in his pocket. He paused, hearing a small “tap tap tap” noise. He glanced up to see Evan in the middle of cleaning children’s fingerprints from one of the library windows. He was smiling down at him, before waving. Connor let a soft smile adorn his face, waving back at him.

“And to think you were trying to tease me about Alana.”

The boy shrieked, whirling around to face Zoe, who was currently holding a container of strawberry frozen yogurt and grinning devilishly at him. He cleared his throat, willing the red on his face to go away.  
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow, humming as she rested her arm on his shoulder, glancing up at Evan. The boy’s eyes widened, and he ducked back away from the window, disappearing from sight.

“Evan Hansen? From school? Didn’t know you were into the quiet type.”

Connor huffed, elbowing her, to which Zoe cackled evilly, like a witch.

“Oh, shut up.”

“You like him, you really like him, you wanna kiss him~”

She sung loudly, twirling around Connor dramatically. He growled, crossing his arms.

“This is why I never do anything with you.”

His little sister paused, snickering as she poked him.

“Aw, don’t worry CinnaCon, I won’t tell anyone about your crush.”

She snickered, putting another spoonful of frozen yogurt in her mouth.

“Alana and the rest of the girls went home, so if you wanna head back to the house, we can.”

Connor sighed, rubbing his shoulder.

“Actually, I might have invited Evan over for dinner.”

At this, the girl spun around, eyes wide with astonishment.

“Holy crap, you’re serious about this?”

He rolled his eyes, sighing as he shouldered past her.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. You gonna try to help keep dinner civil or what?”

She licked the remains of the yogurt off her spoon, thinking to herself, before chirping up suddenly.

“Alright, this can work! Come on then Connor, there’s no time to lose!”

She tossed her empty yogurt container into the trash, before dragging Connor outside towards the car.

This was going to be one hell of a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaa look i'm not dead.  
> So I hit a major writer's block when I started, so it took me forever to actually get this chapter out. BUT EYYY BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.  
> Zoe is a female Jared. Fight me on this.
> 
> As always, i'd love some feedback and constructive criticism on how i'm doing.
> 
> Next chapter is gonna involve an insanely cool boy.
> 
> (Also if someone makes me fanart i'd love them forever k thx bye)


	4. Yawa ti werht uoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I feel like i’m about to throw up everywhere."  
> Zoe shot him a sympathetic smile, offering out a hand to him.   
> “That’s how you know you really like him.”

Connor didn’t understand why he was nervous. Really, he didn’t. This wasn’t his first date with Evan before, nor his second. They had been on so many dates to the point where Connor lost track after the first three months of their relationship. It wasn’t because Connor was a lovey dovey person (he was, but that was besides the point). It was because the two never expected anything huge from each other. When it did happen, it was a pleasant surprise, but they both felt lucky enough to have each other. They were happy keeping things simple. No anxiety, no plans gone wrong. Just them being together. And yet…

Connor was freaking out. Like, Evan attending a conference call type of freaking out. He kept fiddling with the hem of his button-down, which he had stolen from his father’s closet. It hung loosely off of his lanky body, which was another thing about his past self that he was still not used to. As a teenager, he was… Well, scrawny. He didn’t work out a lot, as he was too busy smoking weed and figuring out ways to kill himself. It wasn’t until him and Evan moved in together that he realized how much stronger Evan was than him, and Connor would be damned if his competitive ass didn’t get the last laugh. So, he went to his local gym, and started working out. Easy enough, right? Well, it looked a lot simpler on TV. The first few months of lifting weights was hell. Every morning Connor woke up feeling like he was in the middle of the ocean, and sharks were biting onto every one of his limbs and pulling at the same time. Odd analogy, but it was accurate. But, eventually, Connor began to fill out his clothes, gaining more muscle. Soon enough, he was able to pick up his soon-to-be-husband with ease, earning his fair share of protesting yelps from the latter. Connor smiled softly to himself as he reminisced on the first few years of his relationship with Evan, when he was rudely thrown from his trip down memory lane. Zoe was busy banging on his door like she was a survivor in a zombie apocalypse.

“Hey Con, you dead in there? Because if you are, I don’t think Evan’s gonna take it well.”

Connor gave a displeased huff, steadying his shaking hands as he moved to open up the door. Zoe stood in the doorway, wearing galaxy leggings and a NASA tank-top. It accurately described his little sister’s odd obsession with space, and it reminded Connor of all the times Zoe had ranted to him about wanting to be an astronaut when they were kids. He gave a short sigh, leaning against the door as he wrapped his curls around his finger, a nervous habit he had picked up from his mother when he was little. 

“I might as well be. I feel like i’m about to throw up everywhere.”

Zoe shot him a sympathetic smile, offering out a hand to him. 

“That’s how you know you really like him.”

He gave a resigned sigh, shooting her a half-hearted grin as he took her hand and let her lead him down the stairs. Upon reaching the bottom, he smelled… a brisket? And not some weird vegan brisket, like, an actual brisket. With meat. What kind of tomfuckery was this?

_ This is too good to be true. _

Connor thought absently to himself as he entered the kitchen. And sure enough, there was his mother, in the middle of cutting thick slices of brisket and slathering them in sauce. At Connor’s arrival, his mother looked up, smiling as she set down her knife. 

“I thought you were only eating vegan stuff?”

Cynthia smiled as she turned around to take a serving bowl full of fruit salad out of the fridge, setting it down on the counter before responding to her son.

“Well, I figured since this is a special occasion, I could have a cheat day. I’m sure your father will be ecstatic.”

Connor couldn’t help the bitterness in his tone as he spoke his next words.

“Yeah, it’s like he can’t comprehend anything that isn’t listed in his suburban dad textbook.” 

In truth, there was still a bit of anger towards his father left in Connor. When Evan and him first got together, Larry was not happy. In fact, he had been kicked out. Connor had ended up sitting outside a seven-eleven on a rainy October night, sipping a cheap machine coffee that had long gone cold. He was shivering, wet, and crying. Of course he disliked his father at the time, but he never expected his father to hate him that much. He had always taken comfort in the fact that his hatred was one-sided (or so he thought). But, he supposed, he had been wrong. So here he was, the wet sidewalk soaking into his jeans and chilling him to the bone. By some miracle of nature, a familiar car pulled up next to him, and Jared’s smug face poked out of the window.

“Hey Murphy! Dealer stand you up?”

At the lack of response, Jared spoke up louder, the amusement in his voice evident. He was going to milk this for all it was worth, wasn’t he?

“You dead? If you are, can I have your stuff?”

Connor glared up sharply at him, cringing as his voice cracked from his sobbing just moments before.

“F-Fuck off Kleinmen. I don’t need your bullshit right now.”

Jared paused, his expression visibly softening as he sat there in the car. For a few long seconds, the two were silent, the only sounds around being the steady pattering of rain and the distant honking of passing cars. Eventually, Jared gave a resigned sigh, reaching in the back of his seat for something, before getting out of his car and making his way over to Connor cautiously. Connor felt a towel being draped around his arms. Where Jared got it, he didn’t question it. He refused to meet the boy’s stare.

Jared spoke again, this time soft and careful.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened. But from the looks of it, it’s pretty fucked up if School Shooter Murphy is crying. So just… Don’t kill me, just get in the car, alright? I promise I won’t try to publicly humiliate you, as tempting as it sounds. I can take you home.”

Connor’s eyes snapped up, and he drew in a sharp intake of breath that made him hiccup.

“There’s no point. They fucking kicked me out.”

A moment of hesitation.

“My… My dad found out about Evan and I. He freaked out.”

Jared’s face fell, and he nodded slowly.

“Right. Uhm, Evan’s place it is then? His mom has a shift tonight, i’m pretty sure. It’ll just be you two. I have some spare clothes in the trunk if you feel like changing.”

Connor, deciding he had nothing more to lose, gave a nod in response, standing up and making his way to the passenger side of Jared’s car. He heard the boy mumble something about getting water on his mom’s leather seats, but Connor decidedly ignored it. 

The ride to Evan’s house had been silent, the soft tunes of AJR playing through the radio. Connor hadn’t bothered to change, despite Jared’s protests, and as of now, the car’s heater was the only thing keeping him from getting hypothermia. He treasured it with his life. Eventually, they pulled up to Evan’s apartment complex, parking. Jared glanced to Connor, sighing and running his tongue along the gap in his teeth absently.

“Look, you don’t deserve what happened to you. No one deserves to be thrown out by their family like that. I know i’ve never been the nicest person to you, but if you ever need to talk… You know where to find me.”

Connor glanced at his lap, having an internal crisis about something, before he took a deep breath.

He leaned over, grabbing Jared and pulling him into a quick, awkward hug. And just like that, he had backed away against the car door.

“Tell anyone and you’re dead.”

Jared blinked, like he couldn’t believe that just happened, which was probably true. For better or worse, though, he snapped out it, giving Connor a small knowing (if not devilish) smile.

“I won’t tell a soul.”

With that, Connor sighed and opened the door.

“Thanks. For everything, I mean. I’ll take what you said into consideration.”

And with that, he was slamming the car door shut and jogging to Evan’s apartment, who had quickly given him hot chocolate and a change of clothes upon his arrival. For some reason or another, he hadn’t told Evan about the Jared incident. He wasn’t attracted to Jared by any means, but it still felt… Special. Like despite all the shit Jared put him through, he could still rely on him to not totally screw him over. Is this was having friends was like?

Connor liked having friends. 

Since the fateful night Connor had been kicked out, his mother had been trying desperately to get back in touch with him. Zoe not so much, which had hurt. And Larry, not at all. Eventually, though, his father came to terms with his son’s sexuality, and they began to try to mend their fractured relationship. That continued until current day. Or… Future day? In any case, things were still tense between them. But Larry did everything he could to try to accept Connor, and while it wasn’t perfect, he appreciated the effort his father put in. 

“Connor?”

Connor jolted back away from his mother, gripping the edge of the counter.

“Sorry, what?”

Cynthia gave him a concerned look, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead.

“You were just staring at the wall for the past five minutes. You feeling okay? We can cancel the dinner if you’re feeling sick.”

Connor frantically shook his head, moving his mother’s hand away.

“No, no. I’m fine, really! Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, i’ll be fine. Besides, it’s a weekend, i’ll just get a few extra hours in tomorrow.”

His mother gave him a concerned look, before nodding slowly and turning back to her dish.

“Well, if you’re sure. Set the table for me please, sweetheart?”

He nodded and moved over to the cabinet, getting their fancy dishes reserved for guests and moving out to the dining room with them. As he set the table, he noticed a faint voice that nearly gave him a panic attack.

“Wow… Your h-house is really nice-nice, Zoe.”

Evan.

Connor clutched at his chest, wheezing slightly as he tried to get a grip on himself. This was his husband, after all! Why was he acting like a lovesick puppy? He swallowed back his pride, standing and fixing the collar of his shirt as he strode into the foyer. He tried not to combust on the spot as he grinned at Evan, who was wearing his usual polo and khakis. 

“Hey, glad you could make it.”

Connor tried his best at a cool, smooth tone, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious that he was trying way too hard to look like a bad boy. Zoe did her best to muffle hysterical laughter behind her hand, as Evan blinked at him silently. He shook his head slightly, mumbling to himself as he wiped his hands on his pants.

“It-It’s good to be here. At first I didn’t think I would be able to come because my mom and I were actually going to have a taco Tuesday, which shouldn’t even be called that because it’s a weekend and technically it would be taco Saturday but she works Tuesdays and it was supposed to be our day but she got called in for work and I figured that this would be better than eating freezer burned dumplings for the third night in a row and-”

He paused to take a deep breath, staring at Connor with wide eyes.

“...Sorry.”

Connor gave him a small, reassuring smile. He reasoned with himself quietly.

_ Come on Hansen, this is Evan. You know him like the back of your hand. _

With that sudden epiphany, he stepped over to Evan, gently placing a hand on his shoulder to guide him to the dining room. 

“Don’t worry about it. My mom made a brisket. Is that okay?”

He paused, waiting for a shaky nod from the shorter boy, before continuing.

“Awesome. It’s gonna be you, me, my parents, and Zoe. You can sit anywhere you want.”

Evan gave him a half-hearted smile, sitting down and pouring himself some ice water from the pitcher in front of him.

With that, Connor rushed back into the foyer, where Zoe was waiting for him. She shot him a thumbs up, talking quietly so their guest wouldn’t hear.

“Don’t worry Con, this night is gonna be fine.”

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.

The night, in fact, was not fine. At all. It had started off well enough, with them eating and idly chatting. Evan seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself as he talked about working at Ellison state park over the summer. Of course, Connor knew this, but he couldn’t just come out and say it. That would be creepy. It wasn’t like Evan knew that time travel was a thing, and that future Connor is stuck in the body of past Connor. 

Then Larry had to open his big mouth.

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.  
  


“So, how do you and Connor know each other?”

It was a question that sounded innocent to anyone who didn’t know Larry well. Unfortunately, though, spending eighteen years of his life living in the same household as his father made him know him just as well as his husband. Translated, he was basically saying “do you two do drugs together?”. How did he know this? Well, believe it or not, Connor had brought over people in the past as a teen. Granted, they were all smoking buddies, but his family didn’t need to know that. And with every one of Connor’s guests, it was the same question- “How do you two know each other?”. It would be reasonable if he asked the same of Zoe’s friends, but he never did. And thus, Connor became angry. Not necessarily enraged, but just angry enough where he felt like he was only going to get worse if he didn’t let it out now. Connor quickly spoke before Evan could get a word out, not wanting to egg his father on.

“We have the same classes. We ended up talking, and I invited him over. Simple as that.”

A warning for Larry to drop it. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the hint. If he did, he ignored it.

“Ah, that’s all then?”

Connor had it. He dropped his silverware, letting it clatter onto his plate as he shot Larry an irritated yet firm look. The older man was clearly unnerved, and somewhat confused, expecting a glare rather than the cold, threatening stare of a pissed off father. 

“If you’re implying that Evan is my smoking buddy, no, he isn’t.”

Larry went to speak, only to be cut off again.

“And he isn’t a dealer either.”

His father took a sharp inhale of breath, meeting his gaze evenly.

“All i’m saying is that those are the kind of people you tend to associate with. You can’t expect me to believe you’re just acting different after five years of your… attention-seeking habits. We’ve had to put up with too much from you for us to accept you made a complete 180.”

To say Connor was hurt by this was an understatement.

He was crushed. He knew, in a sense, that it wasn’t Larry’s fault for having his biases. It wasn’t like he knew what the future held. Still, though, it fucking hurt. Before he knew it, Connor felt hot tears dripping down his cheeks, and his family was staring at him silently .Obviously, they didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know why he was crying. He shouldn’t be crying. That was Evan’s thing, not his. He didn’t cry, he… He didn’t. Lo and behold, though, there he sat, sobbing and rubbing at his eyes hastily. He was stuck in a whirlpool of his own negative thoughts, and distantly, he felt a soft, if not slightly clammy hand wrap around his own. He was being tugged out of the house and into the cool night air. Then, he was in a car. He came to his senses at the car pulled away from the house, and he slowly glanced over at the driver.

Evan spared a look over at Connor with a soft, worried expression.

“...Are you okay?”

Connor said nothing, shutting his eyes and acting like he wasn’t pretending that they were driving back from Zoe and Alana’s house, Cecily asleep in her carseat as the couple idly chatted about whatever came to mind.

 

“No."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sobbing??? SoftMushie on tumblr made fanart of my fic! Like, I didn't even expect art, but fanart from one of my favorite artists? I swear to god I am legit crying (and hyperventilating) right now. Thank you all so much for your support! Sorry for any typos in this fic, as I churned this out in an exhaustion-fueled rage. I promise that the next chapter won't be so sad, and i'll try not to take over two months to do the next chapter, haha.


	5. Poocs a barg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you even know where you're going?"

Connor had long lost track of their time spent on the road. An hour? Two hours? The sun had probably long set behind the storm clouds of the afternoon’s weather, and what was left behind was the inky darkness of night, being pierced only by the headlights of Connor’s car, who faintly registered that Evan must’ve grabbed his keys from his pocket. Sly. Fortunately for Evan, he was was tired, both physically and emotionally. Too drained to actually get upset about the keys. Or anything, for that matter. Connor hadn’t expected to cry during dinner, so the whole outburst came as a surprise to him. He had always thought that he had gotten stronger (at least, emotionally) over the past few years of his life, but… He supposed not. It was a wake-up call for how much he relied on Evan for his mental health. In a way, though, it made sense. He had spent most of his life looking out for himself. Of course he would latch onto the first person that would want to be around someone like him.

_No, no. Don’t think like that, remember what your therapist said. Don’t get lost in negativity._

Grounding himself, Connor peeled his eyes away from the window, glancing around the car and taking in the details. He had been unfortunately stuck with the absence of a radio, leaving only the steady rumbling of the car beneath him to assure him that this wasn’t all just one big sadistic dream. He felt that without the noise, he would surely go insane. Connor’s eyes were drawn over to Evan when the blond drew in a shaky breath, sparing a quick side-glance to Connor, before his eyes were back on the road.

“I’m sorry for… basically kidnapping you. You just, you were cr- upset, and I wouldn’t want to be seen like that around my family.”

A pause. Then, Evan’s eyes widened, realizing what he just said.

“Not to say that you were being weak or anything! It’s just that I was comparing you to myself and i’m kind of pathetic and-”

“You’re not.”

This was the first time Connor had spoken since the start of their drive. Evan tensed, his grip on the wheel tightening.

“S-Sorry?”

“You’re not pathetic. You were trying to help me, and you did. Someone pathetic would’ve just sat there. You really helped me out back there, you know.”

Evan gave him a slow, unsure smile, nodding.

“Your family probably hates me now.”

Connor rolled his eyes, grinning, as Evan leaned closer to the steering wheel and whispered softly.

“Oh my god your family probably hates me now…”

The brunet let out a sharp laugh, blue and brown eyes flickering over to Evan.

“Nah, they’ll warm up to you.”

Evan stared at the road silently, before the hint of a smile graced his face. Connor found himself staring, happy that he had given the boy a confidence boost. Sure, he was stuck in the past, but at least he was able to fall in love with his husband all over again. He picked at his crimson nail polish, which had been significantly chipped since he painted it.

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

Evan laughed nervously, shaking his head a bit forcefully to try to give off the impression that he wasn’t freaking out about the whole situation. Connor saw right through this, but for the sake of Evan’s pride, he said nothing. The taller of the two sighed, tapping his nails on the dashboard as he glanced at the clock. Nine twenty.

“Feel like getting ice cream?”

“It’s nine.”

“Yup.”

“And rainy.”

“Yup.”

“And the beginning of November.”

“You’re a very observant person. Ever consider becoming a detective?”

Evan stuck out his tongue, giving Connor a harsh poke in the arm, who snickered in response.

“Oh come on, i’m being serious here! I know an ice cream place up ahead, it’s near this old orchard my family and I used to go to.”

The blond contemplated this silently, freckled face stoic in thought as he stared out the windshield.

“Yeah uhm, that would be okay, I guess.”

Connor glanced over to Evan silently, picking up on the sullen tone in his voice. For a fleeting moment, he had the dread-filled thought that maybe Evan didn’t want to be here. It made sense though, didn’t it? After all, he used to have a crush on Zoe, and he made a terrible first impression. At least in his eyes. In addition, this was the past. Connor shouldn’t have had to remind himself of this fact as much as he did.

“You can uhm… Drop me off back at my house if you want to, no questions asked. I can cover for you.”

The boy’s dark cyan eyes flickered over to his passenger, and Connor felt his words die on his tongue as Evan fixed him with a searching look. Connor had always had an appreciation for his husband’s eyes. He couldn’t help but stare back, with only one word running through his mind.

_Gorgeous._

“No, no! I like ice cream, sorry, i’m just… thinking. I do that a lot.”

Fighting back the urge to give a relieved sigh, Connor merely shrugged, turning back around and leaning his head against his seat. His fingers idly traced patterns in the fogged up window.

“Alright, cool. Take a right turn up here, then.”

Evan nodded, turning the steering wheel a bit sharply. Connor let out a yelp of surprise, hand scrambling for the Oh Shit Bar as Evan let out spitfire apologies. With an annoyed hiss from Connor, the blond promptly shut up, and they pulled into the parking lot of Connor’s favorite ice cream place; À La Mode. À La Mode was a quaint little ice cream place off the side of the road, similar to the ones you often see in small towns. Outside of it was an old statue of a cow standing on two legs, the paint faded and chipped. The cow had a human-like (and frankly, terrifying) grin as it held an ice cream cone in one hoof, and Connor had vague memories of climbing on top of it as a kid, right before falling off and crying for twenty minutes.

By the time the two had stepped out of the car, the rain had stopped, leaving the air heavy and cold. Evan shivered, and Connor didn’t even think as he shucked off his hoodie and draped it around Evan’s shoulders. Almost immediately he regretted the loss of warmth, feeling the biting chill of the night air against his skin. Mumbling obscenities to himself, he walked up to the cow statue and gave its udder a friendly pat.

“You coming?”

Evan had been spacing out, so it seemed, playing with the sleeves of the oversized hoodie as he stared at the faded sign above the door.

“I think it’s closed, Connor.”

The boy mumbled quietly, his concern turning to confusion as Connor smirked.

“We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

With that, Connor walked over to the windows, tugging at each one and humming under his breath.

“If memory serves me right, one of the locks on these windows are broken.”

Finally, one of the windows opened with a horrendously loud scratching, Evan wincing sharply and tugging Connor by the back of the shirt. The taller of the two nearly lost his balance, stumbling backwards. Evan hissed quietly.

“Connor, we are not breaking into an ice cream shop in the middle of the night! Are you crazy?!”

There was a moment of silence between the two, before Connor’s stoic expression became a sly grin.

“Yup.”

With that, he turned back around and scrambled through the window, leaving Evan calling behind him angrily. Connor had barely managed to pick himself up off the ground when he heard Evan following behind him angrily, although admittedly, he was having a lot more trouble with his cast.

“Connor Murphy, when I get in there i’m going to strangle you!”

The brunet cackled as he leaped over a table and made his way behind the counter, effortlessly making his get-away as Evan cursed behind him. He slowed down, glancing at the inside of the shop. It still had its early 2000s vibe, even after all these years. The floor was a checkered pattern of pink and white, and there were cardboard cutouts of ice cream cones hanging from the ceiling. In front of the counter were several swivel stools for anyone who preferred to eat inside. With a small grin, Connor leaped onto a stool, balancing on it as he stood and jerked his body to spin himself. Obviously the scene was rather ridiculous, as Evan approached, and his anger melted away to amusement. He let out a snort, and Connor nearly fell from the stool.

“Hahaha, what are you- pfft, get down, you’re gonna hurt yourself!”

With a grin, Connor stepped off the stool, combat boots giving a resounding click as he stepped onto the counter. He spun around on his heel to face Evan and bowed dramatically, brunet curls falling in his face.

“Did you enjoy my performance, dear Evan?”

The boy rolled his eyes, nudging Connor’s leg with his elbow as he made his way behind the counter.

“Truly the star of the show, dear Connor.”

Evan’s skepticism disappeared as his gaze landed on the freezer full of ice cream, and Connor hid a grin behind his hands. It was no secret to him that Evan had a sweet tooth, and he would often send Connor on late night runs to Dairy Queen for ice cream. Thank God the one nearby was open 24/7. Sticking his tongue out in concentration, Evan fumbled around to find an ice cream cone. He let out a small noise of triumph as he found a box full of cones, and he took one out as he began to scoop vanilla ice cream onto the cone. Connor watched in amusement as the blue-eyed boy piled toppings on, to the point where the white of the ice cream was completely covered by a variety of gummies, sprinkles, and candies. Evan (the heathen) bit into it, before pausing at Connor’s expression. He reddened, hurriedly wiping his face with a napkin.

“W-We’re already here, aren’t we? Might as well enjoy it.”

With that, he gave Connor a defiant scowl and went back to eating, like a feral cat guarding its food. Yup. Definitely a sweet tooth. Connor shrugged lightly, giving in as he hopped over the counter dramatically, opting for a chocolate covered cone. He put a scoop of bubblegum ice cream into his, and he licked it with a shit-eating grin as Evan recoiled in disgust.

“Why would you eat bubblegum and chocolate?”

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘till you try it.”

The former of the two let out a defiant snort as he took another bite of his cone, beginning to wander around the shop and trace his fingers along the cold tiles of the wall.

“Does this place have security cameras?”

Connor glanced up from his task of licking the steadily melting ice cream from his fingers, shaking his head.

“Nah, only like two people work here. No one really cares enough to do anything.”

Devouring the rest of his cone and wincing from the brain freeze, Connor slid off the counter and fished around in his pocket for some cash. He pulled out a crumpled five dollar bill, setting it on the counter. His attention strayed towards Evan as the blond appeared next to him, smirking.

“Aw, Bad Boy Murphy has a heart after all.”

Connor snorted.

“Bad Boy Murphy? Who gave me that nickname?”

Evan shrugged absently, picking a gummy bear off his ice cream and popping it in his mouth.

“No one, it's just the vibe you give off, I guess. You know, sneaking out of the house, smoking drugs-”

“Smoking drugs?”

“You know what I mean. You do whatever you want when you want. No worrying about what could happen to you. You’re free.”

Connor paused. He knew that Evan’s teenage years had often been spent alone, away from his mother, so freedom shouldn’t have been an issue for him. The only reasonable explanation could’ve been his anxiety, though Evan unfortunately never got into it much with Connor. Even after he started taking different medications and coping better in public, he still danced around the topic of his mental state. He never really opened up like Connor had.

_Do I really know him that well?_

Connor sighed softly, picking at his nail polish.

“My parents didn- don’t care enough to watch over me. I try, but it seems like they gave up on me years ago. The damage has been done.”

A moment of silence between the two.

“Is that why you… uh... had that reaction? With your father?”

“Yeah, he seems to be the main problem. Lately i’ve been kind of… Out of it, I guess? I guess he’s suspicious of that.”

Evan didn’t bring it up any further after that, and he sighed, stretching his arms above his head.

“What time is it?”

With a small grunt, Connor dug out his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen.

“It’s uh… Around eleven or so.”

The boy let out a small laugh of disbelief, pressing his forehead against the icy cold window.

“My mom is gonna kill me.”

He was then tugged to his feet by a grinning Connor, who jingled his keys like he was taunting a parrot.

“You don’t have to go home tonight, you know. I have pillows and blankets in my trunk, plus the seats fold down.”

“So?”

“So, we can just sleep in my car. Just send your mom a text telling her you’re staying over Jared’s.”

With that, he went back to the window they had entered in, climbing out through it and immediately regretting the decision. God, it was so cold. He hissed, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Fuck me.”

His complaining was quickly silenced as he felt something warm being carefully wrapped around his shoulders, and he looked to see Evan grinning and shivering at him.

“Just returning the favor.”

He let out a small laugh, going over to his car and starting it up. Evan got in the passenger seat, and the two found a secluded clearing a bit further into the outskirts of town, where the start of a hiking trail was. Hopping out of the car, Connor began to set up a couple of bedding areas. In the span of a few minutes, he had managed to fold down the seats, pillows and blankets strewn everywhere to make a makeshift bed. He nestled himself into it, grinning as Evan hopped in beside him and closed the trunk. The two sat there in the dark for a moment, staring at the faint outlines of the surrounding pine trees against the empty sky.

“You just had this stuff available?”

Evan’s voice pierced through the comfortable silence, and Connor turned a sleepy eye towards him.

“Sometimes I need to get out of the house, and I don’t exactly have friends to stay with.”

Another pause. Evan’s eyebrows were furrowed in thought, and the brunet watched in sleepy fascination.

“Am I your friend?”

Connor smiled, before yawning and lying back on a bundle of pillows.

“I broke into an ice cream shop for you, I better be.”

The two let out a chorus of chuckles that quickly broke away into yawns, and Connor rolled onto his side. He was just about to fall asleep when he heard Evan speak again.

“And Connor?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. And not just for the ice cream. For signing my cast, taking me out for ice cream, just… Everything.”

“...No problem.”

The boy’s breathing evened out, leaving Connor sitting alone in the darkness.

“Good night, Rosebud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor's idea of a first date is breaking into an ice cream shop apparently  
> People always make Connor put everything on his ice cream and has Evan just eat vanilla. Naw, the boy probably has the biggest sweet tooth ever. Plus i'm pretty sure Connor's destroyed his taste buds over the year with nasty combinations, so bubblegum and chocolate it is.  
> Fun fact, I looked it up, and there's no such thing as a 24/7 Dairy Queen. I've never been more disappointed.
> 
> If you want, you can follow me on tumblr so you can keep track of updates.  
> https://puffandflip.tumblr.com/
> 
> Love you guys!


	6. Yas nac I gnihton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hung up the phone, glancing to Connor with a steely edge in his eyes.  
> “So Connor, feel like returning the favor for last night?”

_“Connor? God, say something, don’t just stare at me like that!”_

Connor convulsed sharply, jerked away from his restless sleep by two tantalizingly warm hands shoving him away. He blinked the sleep from his eyes, giving them a moment to focus on the shell-shocked boy next to him. Evan grumbled softly under his breath, trying and failing to flatten his honey colored hair, before glancing to Connor, who looked utterly lost. He sighed, smoothing out the wrinkles in his clothes; a gray t-shirt with pictures of three different cacti on it, with “adopt a plant” written in a gentle black font underneath, along with a pair of simple green sweatpants. He rubbed his eyes as he gave Connor a once-over, before he sighed and leaned back against the trunk door of the car.

“You were crushing me in your sleep.”

Connor looked down guiltily at his hands, tracing his fingers along the calluses of his palm.

“Sorry, must’ve been nightmares.”

Evan nodded quietly in understanding, absently shivering as he blew warm air onto his hands.

“You’re v-very… Cuddly.”

Connor sighed and stretched, a mess of long limbs and baggy clothes, before crossing his legs and sparing a side-glance to the boy next to him.

“Does your mom know you’re with me?”

Evan paused, glancing down at the carpeting of the trunk, before shaking his head.

“N-Not really?”

Reluctant to leave the warmth of the car, Connor fumbled for the lever to open the trunk. It opened with a low hissing, and the two both swore quietly at the sudden gust of cold air. Whining dramatically just for the hell of it, the lanky teen managed to drag himself from the blissful warmth of the car, cracking his neck. Evan let out an annoyed hiss, cupping his hands over his ears.

“God, don’t do that. I hate that noise.”

Connor smirked, moving his head sharply for one more loud crack before dropping his hands. Of course he knew that Evan hated it. What kind of husband would he be if he wasn’t constantly irritating the love of his life? It was always good to keep Evan on his toes, after all.

“Yeah yeah. Come on short stuff, we gotta get you home before your mom gets back and thinks you’ve been kidnapped.”

Evan let out a small snort, following out after him as he finally managed to get his hair to look reasonably tame, though he just couldn’t seem to fix a particular tuft that fell in front of his eyes.

“Kidnapped? If anything, i’m the one who kidnapped you- Hey, wait a minute! I’m not short!”

Snickering, Connor started the car, settling himself into the stiff leather of his seat as best as he could.

“You’re kinda short.”

As he started the car, Evan got into the passenger seat, crossing his arms and giving Connor a murderous look. Unfortunately for him, though, it didn’t have much effect on Connor, whose grin only spread wider.

“I’m not short! You’re just freakishly tall!”

“Say what you will, i’m not the one who looks like a Pomeranian.”

He grinned at the lack of a response, pulling out from the state park and heading back towards Evan’s house. Even though it had been years since he had driven to Heidi’s apartment building, he had always been decent with directions. Enough to get them home, at least.

“So Hansen, despite the circumstances leading up to our little break-in, I had a lot of fun. If you’re not doing anything tonight, I wouldn’t mind doing something again. Except, ya know, less illegal. I mean like, if you want to? You don’t have to, i’m not forcing you. I don’t even know if you were okay with us breaking into the ice cream shop in the first place, so uh… Yeah.”

Evan let out a small noise that was a mix between a giggle and a snort, placing his hand over his mouth out of embarrassment.

“That was the most awkward thing i’ve heard in my entire life.”

“So that’s a no?”

He choked down another laugh as he shook his head frantically at Connor.

“No, no. That sounds like fun, count me in.”

His smile turned from amused to sincere, and Connor had to sharply turn his attention back to the road, praying that Evan didn’t see the faint blush on the brunet’s face. As the two neared the building, Evan’s phone abruptly started ringing, playing the same familiar song from the day at the bookstore.

**_“You’ve got potential little para-”_ **

This time, Evan was prepared, quickly pressing the answer button as he flashed Connor an apologetic smile. The voice on the other end was too quiet for Connor to identify, but judging by the serious look on Evan’s face, he had best stay out of it.

“You sound awful. Are you okay?”

A pause. Evan’s stern look quickly turned to one of concern.

“Did you… relapse?”

More hushed mumbling from the other side. Like a card being turned over, Evan’s voice switched. It was gentle and sweet, bringing back memories of Connor having his own set of relapses as the other held him close and gently talked him through his breakdowns. Feeling a familiar burning in the back of his eyes, Connor promptly dug his nails into the steering wheel, refusing to cry in front of Evan for a reason he couldn’t explain without sounding crazy.

“No, hey, listen to me. It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I know. Just… Do you have the car?”

He chewed on his lip as he paused again to let the other person speak.

“Right. Okay. I can come get you. You can stay the night if you want. Be there in like, ten minutes, alright?”

He hung up the phone, glancing to Connor with a steely edge in his eyes.

“So Connor, feel like returning the favor for last night?”

 

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.

 

Connor knowing a lot was precisely what kept him sane throughout this entire time travel fiasco. He couldn’t be crazy if he already knew so much personal information about everyone around him, right? In a way, his own knowledge was what kept him grounded. It was what gave him hope and kept him away from the creeping thought that he would have to live the worst years of his life all over again. Unfortunately, he had no clue where the hell he was.

Was that concerning for him?

Kind of.

Connor stared at the cars in front of him silently as he drove, eyes flickering every so often to the unfamiliar houses around him. He had never bothered to explore much in the pathetic little town he used to call home, and looking back, he regretted it. There was no longer playful banter in the car, only tension and awkward silence, the likes of which not even crappy radio static could cut through. Whoever had called Evan, they had been in some deep shit.

Connor felt awful for being jealous.

As they pulled up to a white-picket-fence suburban home (much smaller than Connor’s, thank you very much), Evan threw open the door before the car even came to a complete stop. The door was still cracked slightly when he paused, turning back to stare Connor in the eyes. The latter shivered at the intensity of it.

“I’ll be right back. Please, for the love of God, don’t say anything.”

He paused, frowning at the slight look of betrayal on Connor’s face.

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions, but this is serious. I just need you to promise me you won’t fan the flame.”

After forcing himself to unclench his jaw, Connor met Evan’s stare, nodding.

“I fucking promise.”

He offered out his middle finger towards Evan, giving him a weak smile. The boy seemed to pick up on what Connor was trying to do, and giving a soft sigh, he wrapped his own middle finger around Connor’s.

“You’re an enigma, Connor Murphy.”

With that, he took a few steps back, and it took all of Connor’s willpower not to lean forward, chasing the warmth that the other had momentarily provided. Evan turned and bolted to the front door, digging around in the dirt of a spider plant hanging on the porch, before pulling out a key and letting himself inside.

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.

After about twenty minutes of waiting, Connor was beginning to grow impatient. He was getting tired of all the songs on his phone (considering most of the music he liked currently hadn’t even come out yet), and as of now, he was absently drumming the wheel. Finally, he heard the distant thud of the front door closing, and turning to glance out the passenger window, he froze at what he saw.

Evan, backpack in one hand, and the other wrapped around Jared Kleinman’s shoulder.

The issue wasn’t the arm, of course. Evan was a very affectionate person, everyone knew that. The problem itself was Jared. He was pale. Impossibly so, with dark shadows lining the underside of his glasses, and dull, tired eyes. His hair was wet, like it had recently been run under water, and his gaze never moved from the ground. Connor quickly glanced away and went about fiddling with the radio as Evan opened the door to the back seat, letting Jared in and setting his stuff down next to him softly, as Connor was almost immediately overwhelmed with the scent of vomit and cheap soap. Evan glanced to Connor with an unwavering expression, eyes speaking a thousand words as he closed the door and got into the passenger seat. Connor started up the car and began the drive back towards Evan’s house.

And if he went a little bit over the speed limit?

That was no one’s business but his own.

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.

In an effort to not be a completely useless human being, Connor had offered to take Jared’s bag inside to Evan’s apartment. He had assumed that since Evan had been carrying it with one arm before, it couldn’t be that heavy. Oh how wrong he was. Connor’s arms were shaking with the struggle of carrying the bag, and he ranted silently to himself about why the hell Jared needed so much stuff. Still, he refused to be outmatched by doe-eyed Evan Hansen, and kept up the charade of strength for the sake of his dignity. The three entered the apartment, turning on the lights. Heidi wasn’t home, as was to be expected, and Jared sluggishly walked off to Evan’s bedroom, silently taking the fuzzy blanket and glass of water offered to him by Evan as he passed. The door shut quietly, leaving Connor and Evan standing in the hallway, facing each other silently. Then, Connor decided to open his stupid mouth.

“Are we… Still on for tonight?”

Evan’s eyes snapped up, and Connor felt his resolve drip away like wax against a roaring flame.

“Are you serious? Have you seen the state Jared is in? I can’t just leave him.”

Connor chewed on his lip, staring down at the dark green shag carpet of the apartment. He didn’t know the consequences time travel was bound to have, but he knew that it had something to do with Evan. It had to… Right?

“He… Maybe he needs some alone time. To recollect his thoughts. Whenever I get really upset, that’s what I-”

“Jared isn’t you, Connor. He called me up because he needs support. If he wanted alone time, he wouldn’t have said anything to me in the first place.”

Hopelessly, Connor looked up, meeting his stare.

“I just, I have issues too, I know what it’s like-”

He was cut off again as hands were placed on his shoulders, and he was given a gentle yet firm push back towards the door. He stared at Evan, startled, as the boy stared icily at him at him.

“You’re not bulimic, Connor!”

Silence.

More silence.

It drew out, the tension in the room unbearably suffocating.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Exactly. You didn’t know, and yet you kept pretending you did. We’re not doing anything tonight. Please leave.”

“Evan, please, i’m sorry.”

Connor took a step forward, hopelessly reaching out a hand, before Evan shook his head and took a step back.

“I said get out, Connor. You’ve paid back your debt, you can go home now.”

Connor stared at the ground, defeated, as he let himself be pushed out by Evan, the front door slamming in his face. He was… Connor didn’t know how he felt. He was sad. Ashamed. But soon, those emotions were all consumed with one raw feeling. Fury. Before he knew what he was doing, Connor drew his fist back, slamming it into the wall next to the door.

“I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

As the pain coursed through his fist, it grounded Connor back in reality, and giving a sharp gasp, he stumbled away from the dent in the wall that the punch had left. Cradling his hand to his chest, he turned and hurried down the hallway, fighting back tears. As he exited the building, he went from speed-walking to a sprint, getting into his car and tearing out of the parking lot with a loud screech of his tires.

\- .-. .- -. ... .. - .. --- -.

Connor entered the front door to his house, unintentionally tuning out the mixed voices of concern and anger from his parents. He stomped up the stairs, pausing as he saw Zoe staring out at him from her room, eyes wide. He bit out a growl, venom in his voice.

“What?”

Something in her eyes dulled, and she shook her head slowly.

“Nothing.”

Her door closed, and the tight feeling in Connor’s chest only got worse. He shook his head violently to fight away the tears threatening to escape his eyes, before he walked into his room and locked the door.

He didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O o f.  
> My mind totally blanked when I was trying to come up with this chapter, so I decided the best way to go is pure, unfiltered angst.  
> (I'm so sorry, I love you all.)  
> If you guys have any comments or criticisms, please feel free to tell me down in the comments. Feedback, good or bad, always helps! Make sure to follow my tumblr for updates on new chapters of Chronologic!   
> One more thing before I end this, i'd like to give a huge shoutout to my best friend Lee, who has a tumblr! You can go follow them at the link below, and they're an amazing person who makes gorgeous art. Please go check them out, and have an awesome day guys. :)
> 
> Lee's tumblr:  
> https://m00nsquiggles.tumblr.com/
> 
> My tumblr:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/puffandflip (I'm thinking of making a blog dedicated to only my writing? Idk, let me know in the comments if you want me to do that or not.)


	7. Gnirebmemer htrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lost his train of thoughts, letting the sketchbook slip through his hands and onto the floor as he slowly sat down on the bed, putting his head in his hands.  
> “I just want to go home.”

Connor’s earlier prediction about his lack of sleep had proved to be in fact, true, as proven by him being wide awake in the late hours of the night. Instead of facing his problems like a decent human being, he had instead stayed curled up in the comfort of his bed, drawing obsessively in a sketchbook he found as he listened to the gentle pattering of rain on his roof. His mind was fuzzy as he tried to draw from memory Cecily’s most recent birthday party. She never really liked big parties, so they ended up starting up their old firepit in the backyard. Zoe and Alana had ended up bringing mounds of junk food, much to Connor and Cecily’s excitement (and Evan’s disapproval), while Jared brought his ukulele. But instead of playing actual music, he just kept playing Wonderwall over and over again. Luckily for Jared, Heidi, Larry, and Cynthia had shown up right when Connor was about to throw him in the fire. Heidi made a dessert pizza for Cecily, which according to Evan, was a tradition for birthdays in the Hansen household. Connor wasn’t complaining, his inner stoner was pleased at the fact that pizza crust and chocolate covered strawberries worked so well together. Cynthia had of course bought Cecily a unicorn pinata, which the girl was indifferent towards due to her odd hatred of horses. Her favorite gift though was the one from Larry, which was a baseball bat. Connor figured Larry had wanted her to play baseball with it, but instead, she spent the rest of the night whapping the pinata into mangled bits of confetti, before eventually moving on to one of the branches on Evan’s favorite tree, a small crab apple that they had planted in the backyard upon first buying the house. Evan had always talked about how even though crab apples were bitter, they made amazing jams, and their flowers in the Spring were gorgeous. Connor had to console a mourning Evan for an hour after they had managed to get her to calm down enough to become entranced by Jared’s gentle strumming. 

He smiled softly to himself as he finished the sketch of Cecily riding on Evan’s shoulders that night, a slice of dessert pizza in one hand and the collar of Evan’s shirt in the other. Evan was grinning up at the redheaded girl, eyes filled with a look that could only be described as a parent’s love for their child. He could’ve gone the rest of his life in solitude with only these memories.

The universe seemed to have other plans for him, though, as his door was opened, the sudden creaking of it making him wince. Zoe’s voice rang through his ears, cold and quick.

“Someone is here to see you.”

He finished up some of the shading on Evan’s hair as he heard footsteps hesitantly making their way across his carpet, before the door slammed briskly. He let out a small huff.

“I thought you wanted me to lea-”

Connor froze as he glanced up from the drawing, in the middle of placing a bookmark in the page. Before him stood Jared, looking leagues better than he did the previous day. Didn’t mean he looked good, though. 

“Hey, uhm-”

He paused, wincing as his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and pushed his glasses back on his nose nervously, before continuing.

“Evan wanted me to check on you.”

“Yeah? Well i’m fine, so you can fuck off.”

Connor winced slightly at his own words. A part of him enjoyed the bite of the remark, though he wasn’t quite sure if it was exactly… Him. He shook his head quietly, trying to regain a clear head. Slowly, he set down the sketchbook beside him.

“Shit, i’m so sorry, Jared. That wasn’t… That just came out… shit.”

Jared nodded quietly, staring at Connor with an odd expression. It made Connor bristle with unease.

Hesitantly, Jared made his way around Connor’s room, taking in his surroundings as he began to slowly talk.

“So, Evan told you about… ya know. Right?”

Connor nodded slowly. He wasn’t exactly experienced with bulimia. Hell, he didn’t even know Jared had it. You’d think you’d know more about the godfather of your own kid, but Connor was just a shitty person like that, he supposed. Jared took a deep, shuddery breath, before continuing.

“Look, you don’t have to go tell my parents or anything. I’m trying to get it under control and get help, it’s just… It’s really hard. And if my moms knew, God, they’d be so worried and it would kill me to see them like that. So please-”

He cut himself off, glancing to Connor. The look of shame in his eyes abruptly morphed to one of fear, and he started up in a panic.

“Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck please don’t tell anyone at school i’ll never be able to live it down-”

That was where Connor forced himself to cut in.

“Jared, relax. That’s a private thing. I’m not going to tell anyone, including your parents. But only because I know you’re trying to get better  _ and  _ you’re talking to Evan about it.”

Jared bit his lip, nodding slowly. Hesitantly, he moved over to the bed. Connor tucked his legs to his chest to give Jared room to sit, and he took off his glasses and fidgeted with them nervously, pointedly avoiding Connor’s eyes.

“Might as well say this while i’m here. Uh… Sorry. For the whole school shooter comment. I was just trying to be funny and my sense of humor fucking sucks balls, so… yeah.”

His sentence trailed off in a mumble, and he put his glasses back on. Connor, meanwhile, had been chewing on his lip, seemingly sizing up Jared.

_ Come on Connor, channel your inner teenager. Or… I guess outer. _

“It’s okay, Jared. I know why you did it. Disapproval from other people can really fucking suck sometimes, and some people would rather play along than be cast aside. Nothing wrong with that.”

Jared stared at him for a second, before letting out a choked laugh as he glanced at the various books strewn across Connor’s bed.

“Damn Murphy, when did you start acting like an adult?”

Connor tensed up slightly, not wanting to point out how much he hit the nail on the head. Turned out, Connor didn’t need to point it out, because Jared picked up his sketchbook, flipping to the page with the bookmark in it. His strained smile froze, melting into a confused and somewhat entertained look, like he had just stumbled onto Connor’s dirty little secret. Perhaps he had. He laughed, this time genuinely, turning the page around to show Connor. As if he didn’t know what he himself drew.

“Is this like, your weird fanart of you and Evan? Gonna post this shit on tumblr?”

He cackled to himself. His amused expression, however, was wiped clean as he saw the utter despair on Connor’s face. The dam that Connor had built up shattered. He couldn’t hide the truth anymore.

“It’s not… It’s not fanart. It happened. Or, it will happen. In the future. God, you’re gonna think i’m crazy, but just… Hear me out.”

Jared slowly set down the sketchbook, giving Connor a confused and slightly concerned look.

“I’m listening.”

“Okay, so like, maybe… Shit… A month ago, I woke up, and I was a teenager. Except I already grew up. I- I have a job, and a kid, and-”

He paused, whirling back around to grab the sketchbook. Jared stared at him, eyes wide, like he was some sort of madman.

“This, this was Cecily’s birthday party.”

“Who is-”

“Evan and I, we got married. I know, crazy, but we did. A-And we adopted a girl, her name is Cecily. Evan is a writer for National Geographic and i’m basically a stay-at-home-dad and I just- fuck- And Zoe and Alana are engaged and you were the best man at our wedding and…”

He lost his train of thoughts, letting the sketchbook slip through his hands and onto the floor as he slowly sat down on the bed, putting his head in his hands.

“I just want to go home.”

For a solid five minutes, the room was filled with an agonizing silence. Jared took a deep breath, then stood to leave. Connor snapped up immediately, grabbing his wrist.

“Wait- fuck, no- wait! I can prove it! Ask me anything about the future, I can answer it!”

Jared looked back at him, jumpy like a spooked animal, before nodding slowly. Whether it was because he was genuinely curious or afraid, Connor was too hysterical to care. The boy swallowed, before cautiously sitting back down next to Connor, albeit keeping his distance.

“Fine. Let’s say you did come from the future. Prove it.”

Connor nodded slowly, chewing on his lip.

“What do you wanna know?”

“Do I get into a relationship?”

“A couple flings here and there, but nothing long-term. As far as I know.”

“Career?”

“You become a Cosmologist, apparently you have some weird fascination with alternate universes and stuff.”

“I did always want to find a world where the Powerpuff Girls were real.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Fine, how did you and I meet?”

Connor fell silent. It took him a few minutes to muster up the courage to speak again.

“It was… Late. Must’ve been around midnight or something. And it was raining, sometime in October, I think. My dad kicked me out for-”

He took a deep breath.

“-For being gay. I had nowhere to go, and you happened to see me, I guess. You gave me a ride to Evan’s apartment.”

He paused for a second to chuckle dryly.

“The entire ride was filled with you complaining about me getting water on your mom’s leather seats. Kept complaining about how it’ll make it get all brittle.”

“You know my moms?”

“Yeah, they come over a lot. Ani is kind of scary even though she’s really small, but she bakes the best brownies I have had in my entire life. Like, that shit is Gordon Ramsay quality. She also taught me about throwing knives and stuff, and tried to teach me how to throw them, even though I couldn’t get the hang of it. Rosathine is really nice too. A lot more chill than Ani, at least. She taught me how to braid Cecily’s hair, even though my hairstyles are never as nice as hers. She even forced me to let her braid my hair a few times, although I didn’t look half ba-”

He cut himself off as he noticed Jared staring at him in bewilderment, mouth slightly parted. Connor cleared his throat, embarrassed.

“Sorry, got carried away. Is that uh-”

“Holy shit Connor, yes that’s enough proof. Fuckin’ Christ.”

“Really? You don’t think i’m some kind of stalker or something?”

“I mean, it’s entirely possible. But i’ve always wanted to believe in time travel, and if push comes to shove, I can just tell people I was playing along because I was worried about your mental state.”

Jared smirked to himself, picking up Connor’s discarded sketchbook off the ground and tossing it to Connor.

“So, you and Evan, huh? Gotta say, didn’t think you two would be compatible. Zoe and Alana too? I mean like, I know Alana is gay as hell because she never shuts up about it, but Zoe? I thought she was straight as a stick.”

Connor snorted.

“Far from it. She’s a lesbian.”

“Damn, really? But i’ve seen her date guys before.”

Connor merely shot him a wink, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to tame his messy curls.

“She’s not exactly sure of herself yet. Give her a couple years.”

Jared gave a small laugh of disbelief, shaking his head.

“No shit. So you’re working on trying to get back to your time, then?”

He sighed, gesturing to his cluttered desk.

“Emphasis on trying to. All I have is shitty books on time travel and no leads on getting home whatsoever.”

He sighed, rubbing his temple to make his frustration apparent. Jared, in turn, gave a curious hum, sorting through the books on the desk and pulling out the first one Connor had checked out from the library; Physics of the Impossible. He gave a small snort of disbelief, tossing it to the side. Connor gave a small growl at the mistreatment of the book.

“Hey, watch it. It’s not mine.”

“Who cares? It’s useless anyway. Weird books on physics aren’t gonna help you solve real life cases of time travel.”

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the open book on the ground; the pages were no doubt bent from the force of impact. 

“Why not?”

He was responded to with a small, somewhat condescending snort.

“It’ll only explain  _ how  _ time travel could be possible. Not how to actually do it. It’s like a book that teaches you the science of baking, but doesn’t teach you how to make a cake. If you want actual answers, you need to go on those weird crackpot websites. They’re crazy, but you never know. Lucky for you, your local conspiracy theorist has a goldmine of shit like that.”

His small smirk clued Connor in on his ulterior motives.

“What’s the catch, Kleinman?”

“Simple, Murphy. Apologize to Evan for being a dickbag. It takes a lot for him to open up to people, and if you betrayed that trust and made it even harder for him to make new friends, I can and will murder you.”

Connor stood from his bed, absently tying his hair up in a ponytail as he processed Jared’s words. He didn’t exactly consider that a catch, since he wouldn’t dream of leaving Evan in that state.

_ But you did, didn’t you? _

He did his best to ignore the gnawing guilt in his stomach, as he turned blue eyes mottled with brown towards his guest.

“Fine, but you have to apologize to him too for being a shit friend in general. No more of that family friend bullcrap, got it? You wanna be my kid’s godfather, you gotta work for it.”

Jared’s voice softened.

“I’m her godfather?”

In response, Connor promptly threw a crumpled up ball of notebook paper at Jared’s head.

“No getting sappy, stay focused.”

“Says the one who was almost sobbing, like, ten minutes ago.”

“So help me God Jared, I will fight you.”

Jared let out a small snort of disbelief, moving over to Connor’s bed and picking up his phone off his bedside table. He tossed it to Connor, who fumbled to catch it.

“Deal. We both apologize to him for being terrible friends. But while i’m doing it in person, you’d be better off not confronting him face to face, at least not until he cools down. Start with a text and go from there.”

With that, he turned with a dramatic flurry of his weird purple cardigan, making his way towards the door. Before leaving entirely, though, he spared one glance back Connor, studying him through his glasses.

“And Connor? Don’t fuck it up.”

The door shut behind him, leaving Connor’s phone glowing dimly in his hands. He took a deep breath, before typing out a text to his former husband in an agonizingly slow pace.

 

C:  _ “Can we talk?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!  
> I'm so, SO sorry about the lack of updates recently. More frequent than usual depressive episodes, combined with school starting, have really taken a toll on me. The result has been a lack of motivation to write, but your guyses comments and fanart is what keeps me going. My irl friend, who we'll call Squid, actually hand-drew me fanart of Chronologic and I absolutely loved it! It's hanging on my wall right now as I type this out. If any of you ever feel inspired to make your own headcanons, fanart, or even your own fanfics based off of Chronologic, please tag me on tumblr at PuffandFlip! I'd love to see your creations!  
> As always, have a lovely day, and i'll see you all in the next update. Please don't forget to leave any constructive criticism or advice you might have for me in the comments. I'm always looking for ways to improve my work.  
> Ciao!


	8. Mih llet dluoc I fi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor immediately recognized the figure as Evan, and felt protectiveness overwhelm him as he began to storm towards the group with a newfound fury.

Monday morning. It had been exactly a day and six hours since Connor sent his text. He was left on read.

He probably shouldn’t have been so bent out of shape about it as he had been. His mannerisms made his parents convinced that he had gone through a breakup, and in a way, he had.

Zoe’s reaction was the worst though. And that was because there was none.

Connor’s little sister was giving him the cold shoulder, and truth be told, it really fucking hurt. After a couple years of making up with her, he had sworn to himself that he’d never make her feel that way towards him again. And yet, here he was, shooting guilty glances to his little sister every so often.

“Connor, stop glaring at Zoe and eat your breakfast.”

Larry spoke gruffly as he lifted his cup of coffee towards his mouth. Almost immediately, Connor started up angrily.

“I didn’t even-!”

He cut himself off sharply, internally scolding himself at the outburst as he sunk down into his chair and furiously shoveled cereal in his mouth. He hadn’t been this angry in a very long time. It left his gut feeling like it was filled with oil, though for the sake of keeping his damn mouth busy, he stuffed spoonful after spoonful of shitty cereal into his protesting stomach. After drinking the rest of the milk from the bowl, he stood up, storming over to the sink and setting it down. He winced slightly at the sudden clang of porcelain clashing against stainless steel. To spare himself the dirty looks his father and sister were no doubt giving him, he refused to make eye contact as he snatched his bag from the back of his chair. Slinging it over his shoulder, he moved over to the key rack and grabbed the keys to his car.

“Zoe, are you ready to go?”

His voice was cold and to-the-point. He was pissed off, and keeping a chipper tone was only something he reserved for his kid in moments like these. And considering she wasn’t around, he was allowed to be as much of a dick as he wanted.

“Yeah. Whatever.”

She mumbled in response, grabbing her own backpack before storming past Connor and out the door. Connor stared after her for a second, expression pained, before he shook his head and went to follow out. He was stopped, however, by a hand on his shoulder. Whipping around, he was faced with Larry. He braced himself for the inevitable screamfest he was about to be subjected to. But… It never happened. Rather, his father had a worried expression, hand awkwardly hovering in the air as he retracted it from Connor. 

“Yeah?”

Connor forced his tone to stay neutral. The last thing he needed was to revert to his old ways, even if he was already failing.

“I uhm...”

Larry had never been good with words. Everyone in the family knew, jokingly comparing him to Flint’s dad from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs whenever they got the chance. One night, after a particularly funny joke about how he needed the monkey thought translator, Larry turned red and stormed off to watch football. This only added fuel to Connor and Zoe’s hysterical laughter, leaving Evan politely chuckling in the background and sipping hot chocolate; He had been on the fence about whether he should make fun of his boyfriend’s dad or not.

Unfortunately though, this wasn’t a time to joke around. There was no laughter, and there was no Evan smiling appreciatively as he stirred around his drink in search of tiny marshmallows. 

Larry’s eyebrows furrowed as he searched for the right thing to say, and ever so hesitantly, he spoke.

“I just… Connor, you’re the oldest.”

Connor raised an eyebrow. Where was he going with this?

“Zoe has always done things on her own, but she’s still young.”

A pause.

“What i’m trying to say is take care of her, okay? She needs her big brother.”

With an awkward smile and a hearty pat on Connor’s back that nearly knocked him off balance, Larry turned and walked off to finish his coffee and get ready for work. 

Connor stood there for a solid thirty seconds or so, trying to process what just happened. Larry did his best to be a good dad, he knew that, but he wasn’t so understanding until much much later. Like, at least a couple years. It left an ominous feeling in his stomach, and he dwelled on it. Moments later, though, he was snapped out of his stupor by Zoe honking angrily on the horn. Remembering his dad’s words, Connor picked up his bag and hurried out the door with a newfound determination.

 

**... --- -- . - .... .. -. --.**

 

_ “ _ _ So call in the submarines,  _

_ 'Round the world we’ll go.” _

Music played quietly from Zoe’s phone as they drove, Connor idly tapping his hands on the steering wheel along to the gentle song. He managed to calm himself down during the drive to school. Zoe, however, was bouncing her leg hard enough to probably shake the planet if she wanted to, and Connor shot her a worried look. Her response was nothing more than a glare.

“Can I help you?”

She growled bitterly, and Connor glanced back towards the road in guilt, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

_ “If we're looking out on the day of another dream?” _

As the billboard outside the school drew closer, he turned into the parking lot. After a few nauseatingly tense seconds of finding a spot to park and turning off the car, he mumbled softly.

“I’m sorry, Zo.”

Her leg bouncing paused, attention turning fully to her brother. She took a shaky breath.

“You told me you were trying to get better, Connor. And the other night you just… It was like you went right back to normal. Like you had lied to me about… about  _ everything _ .”

Connor’s grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“I know. I  _ am  _ trying to get better, but it’s so damn hard sometimes, Zoe. I can’t always control myself, but you need to understand that i’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to get better for everyone. Myself, Evan, mom and dad, and… and you. Please be patient with me.”

The pleading tone in his voice was evident, and Zoe’s expression visibly softened. She fidgeted with a lock of her hair for a second. 

“ _ Up on Melancholy Hill sits the Manatee.” _

Before Connor knew what was happening, he was locked in a suffocating hug. She pulled back a second later, huffing.

“Do that shit again and i’m telling mom and dad about your weed stash.”

Zoe grabbed her bag from the backseat, before unplugging her phone and getting out of the car.

_ “When you’re close t-” _

She tossed her hair dramatically and flashed a peace sign behind her as she walked off towards the school, leaving Connor wondering whether she had gotten dropped on her head when she was a baby and he just never noticed. He sighed, before opening the car door with a sense of dread.

He could always skip after talking to Evan, right? 

 

**.. ... / --- ..-. ..-.**

 

Finding Evan was proving to be more difficult than Connor had bargained for. First, second, and third period had flown by, each class making the lanky teen grow more and more irritated by the second. At the ringing of the third bell, he had practically bolted out of the classroom to continue his search. Connor had always known that Evan was good at making himself invisible, but this was a little insane.

After about his third loop of the school, Connor’s hope began to dwindle. He couldn’t find Evan, and he wouldn’t respond to his texts. Following Jared’s advice to not talk to him face-to-face was out of the question. Connor, of course, didn’t want to have to confront him. Evan was rarely angry, but when he was, he was brutal. Connor once watched him chew out one of his co-workers for trying to take credit for an article Evan forgot to address as his. He was pretty sure the man was close to crying by the time Evan was done with him.

As Connor dragged his boots down the tiled floor of the hallway, the sound of a commotion from the lockers brought him out of a particularly deep session of brooding. A quick glance up told him that there was some sort of argument going on. Not exactly a fight, considering there were no signs of violence; or people chanting over and over again, for that matter. As Connor approached, he recognized a few of the girls from the field hockey team. They were your standard stereotypical bitchy girls, like the ones that end up working for MLM companies when they’re in their thirties. Connor’s guess was that they were all equally bitter that they didn’t make it onto the soccer team, and had to settle for second best. 

The shortest girl of the group, a blonde with a ponytail that sort of resembled a bunch of cooked noodles, was reading from a piece of paper, an entertained grin on her face as the figure in front of her pressed themselves against the locker and tried to make themselves as small as humanly possible. Connor immediately recognized the figure as Evan, and felt protectiveness overwhelm him as he began to storm towards the group with a newfound fury. 

“Dear Evan Hansen, turns out you were right when you said this wasn’t gonna be an amazing year. Barely a month in and you’ve managed to both make a friend and lose it. And not just any friend, but Connor Murphy, out of all people, probably the one person who you don’t feel anxious as fuck hanging around. The one person who actually listens to you and doesn’t walk on eggshells around you, and you slammed a door in his face. No wonder you haven’t been able to have more than one friend in the past fifteen years of your life. I mean, honestly, with the way you seem to fuck everything up, did you honestly expect someone to come get you when you j-”

The girl’s shrill voice was cut off as the letter was forcibly ripped from her hand, disappearing into Connor’s clenched fist. Her eyes widened in panic for a split second, before trying to play it off.

“Oh, hey Murphy. Did you know that you have yourself a fanboy?”

Connor shoved the crumpled paper in his back pocket, taking a step forward and looking down at her, his vision slightly obscured from his hair falling in his face. 

“Yeah, I did. Did you know that you’re about to have yourself a concussion?”

The cheerleader visibly flinched, before giving him a relaxed smile.

“Oh come on Connie, it was just a little joke, no harm done. I thought mean humor would’ve been your kind of thing.”

She hummed sweetly, reaching up to play with the collar of his flannel. Before she could touch the fabric, however, her hand was smacked away violently, and this time, it wasn’t Connor who did it. Both Connor and the blonde shot a bewildered look to Evan, who glared sharply ahead.

“Next time it’ll be a backhand.”

He snarled lowly, taking a step towards the girl. She shot a nervous glance at the two of them, before turning heel and muttering “freaks” as she walked off, hips swaying. 

Surprisingly enough, Connor’s anger had been washed away by that whole debacle, and he leaned against Evan’s locker as he waited patiently for the shorter boy to cool down. He grabbed the crumpled therapy letter from his bag, getting his attention with a gentle nudge and handing it to him. After a few minutes of watching Evan mumble profanities under his breath and try to smooth out the wrinkles in the letter, he eventually gave up, shoving it half-heartedly into his backpack. Connor raised an eyebrow at him, tilting his head.

“What was that all about?”

Evan shot a small side-glance to the current occupant of the space in front of his locker, but other than that, he avoided eye contact altogether, as he usually did. It admittedly made a surge of guilt rise up in Connor, if only for the fact that he knew Evan didn’t make eye contact with him whenever Connor upset him.

“Sh-She was invading your personal space. I had every right to be angry.”

“Riiight, because you love confrontation.”

“You don’t even know me that well, how could you determine that?”

“I know you well enough.”

Evan rolled his eyes, smoothing down the wrinkles in his polo as a way to subtly fidget.

“I’m no longer surprised at the fact that I seem to get upset in some way whenever you’re around.”

And wow, that stung.

“You know you love me.”

Connor winked at him for effect, and within seconds, Evan was a red, sputtering mess. Finally, he managed out a bitter retort.

“As if.”

He grinned at the boy, watching in amusement as he went through a bi crisis. A bisis?

“Huh, I never knew you were a Tsundere. Would you prefer I called you Evan-San?”

“So help me God Connor, i’ll kill you and turn your body into fertilizer.”

“Bold of you to announce your motives in a public area.”

“Bold of you to assume i’m not willing to shank you in the middle of a hallway.”

“Bold of y-”

“Okay mom and pop, can you stop bickering for one second?”

Jared strolled up to the two, eyes narrowed behind the lens of his glasses as he placed his hands on his hips. Today, he was wearing an obnoxiously yellow t-shirt, with the words “fuck it up buttercup” in bold letters across it. It was always a mystery where exactly Jared bought his clothes, as he refused to tell both the Murphys and Hansens. For a while, him and Zoe had a conspiracy theory going where they were convinced Jared was secretly a famous clothes designer with a double life. Jared Kleinman by day, Calvin Kleinman by night.

Connor shot him an equally annoyed look, putting his hand on his hip and tossing his hair. Jared nearly laughed at the dramatic display, before quickly clearing his throat in an effort to look more authoritative than he really was. Thankfully, Evan spoke up first so Jared wouldn’t embarrass himself.

“We’re not bickering. And anyways, class started five minutes ago, and i’m already late as it is. And you both know I hate being late because then everyone stares at me when I come in and the teacher gives me a dirty look if I don’t have a pass but if I go to the office to get one i’ll be even later but then if you don’t have a pass people think you might’ve been off having sex under the stairwell and oh god I don’t need rumors about me being spread like that-”

Connor knocking his fist lightly on the locker was what seemed to snap Evan out of whatever downward spiral he was currently in the process of going through, shooting his assailant a wary, slightly annoyed look.

“Easy there, Murphy’s Law. We’ll be fine, why don’t we just ditch class?”

At that, Evan looked comedically offended, clutching his backpack to his chest while the nature charms on it clinked together slightly.

“I’m not a  _ degenerate _ , Connor. I’m not just gonna skip class.”

Jared let out an unenthusiastic “boo” from his place against the lockers next to the group, momentarily distracted as his phone lit up with a text. As he was busy frantically typing away, Connor turned his attention back to Evan.

“Alright, fine. What if we go out and get something to eat after this period, then? We’re Seniors, we can go off-premises for lunch. Plus, I know how much you hate the cafeteria.”

Evan opened his mouth to protest, before his eyes went to the floor. Connor wasn’t wrong; Evan really did hate cafeterias with a passion. Slowly, he nodded, picking awkwardly at his cast as he gave one more glance towards the clock.

“Alright, i’m just gonna-- I should-- Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For uhm, basically slamming the door. In your face.”

Connor felt his stomach coil uncomfortably at that, biting his lip to hold back a frown.

“Why are you apologizing? I freaked out on you in the first place.”

Evan shook his head almost violently, cutting him off.

“You were being nice to me and I just kicked you out like that.”

“You don’t owe me anything just because I was being nice.”

The two fell into a strained silence, not meeting each other’s eyes. To put it plainly, they were at a crossroads. Argue as Evan might, Connor  _ knew  _ that his reaction to Jared was uncalled for. It was a moment of panic, nothing that Evan should blame himself for. Just Connor’s stupid paranoia that things wouldn’t work out with his husband this time around. Rubbing his arm as if to dispel the thought, he sighed and managed to bring his gaze up to meet Evan’s.

“But if it makes you feel any better… I forgive you, even though I don’t think you did anything wrong. I do still want to go get something to eat, though. There’s this old apple orchard nearby I used to go to when I was a kid, it’s a little bit past A La Mode. Maybe we could grab some fast food and head there?”

Jared’s head popped up in between the two, grinning at them with that weird yet oddly fitting gap in his teeth. 

“Can I come? Pretty please? I’ll be your best friend!”

Connor rolled his eyes.

“You’re insufferable.”

“Whoa, looks like someone’s been reading up on their Harry Potter.”

Jared snickered, clapping Connor on the shoulder before springing back.

“I’ll take that as a yes! I’ll invite my girlfriend, see if we can make this a double date.”

Evan and Connor stared at him for a second, before simultaneously bursting into laughter. Jared squawked indignantly.

“What?! It’s true! Her name is Emma!”

“Oh really? And how come we’ve never met her?”

Connor tilted his head slightly, still chuckling.

“She goes to a different school.”

At this, Evan spoke up, still fighting back giggles.

“O-Oh, so she’s sort of like my girlfriend who lives in Canada?”

And just like that, the two were thrown into another fit of cackling, Jared pouting and glaring daggers at them.

“Whatever, you two are gonna feel really stupid when she says yes!”

As if on cue, his phone lit up, and he shot a smug look to them before opening his texts. Within a few seconds, his face fell, and he looked up at them sheepishly.

“She uhm… She says she’s too busy reading a Janis x reader fic.”

Evan piped up.

“Whose Janis? And what’s a fic?”

Connor waved his hand absently in an effort to keep the innocent boy’s mind from being corrupted.

“Janis is a character from Mean Girls, and a fic is basically a mediocre story. I mean, seriously, if you write fanfictions, you have to be some kind of world-class loser.”

Jared narrowed his eyes, but said nothing to Connor as he responded to his text. It wasn’t until his phone was tucked away safely in his pocket that he spoke again.

“Riiight. Anyways, i’m still willing to third wheel.”

He grinned, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Although technically i’m supposed to be working on my presentation on the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory.”

“Just make a building out of popsicle sticks and set it on fire.”

“Damn, you’re sick, Murphy.”

“I’m not sick, I just know my history.”

Evan rolled his eyes, stepping between them to break up the discussion. Judging by the look on his face, Connor could tell he was not in the mood to hear about people burning to death. It was a shame, really. Connor loved dark humor.

“Alright you two, we really need to go. We’re now--”

He froze.

“Oh my god i’m twenty minutes late to class now people are definitely gonna think I was having sex under the stairwell! And there’s only so many people who could be also this late to class so I could accidentally make rumors start about all three of us-”

“I don’t like twinks, so i’m safe from both of you.”

Jared mumbled before quickly being drowned out by more of Evan’s rambling.

“Crap and what if it gets back to my mom and she sits me down and tries to have the talk?! I mean I want to come out to her eventually but not like that!”

After a few more minutes of rambling, Evan eventually ran out of ammo, sentences slowly cutting off as his brain struggled to provide him more disaster thoughts. Connor hesitantly grabbed his wrist, squeezing it gently.

“Feel better?”

“Uh… Yeah. I guess freaking out can do me a little good sometimes. But uhm… only sometimes.”

Connor snickered, ignoring the way his stomach did a backflip when Evan squeezed his wrist back.

“Words of wisdom, Hansen. We shouldn’t be keeping you any longer then, huh?”

Evan gave both him and Jared a conflicted look, chewing on his lip before nodding and spinning around to run off to class.

“Bye guys, i’ll see you at lunch!”

He chirped at the two before disappearing around the corner. Connor felt himself watching a bit longer than he needed to, before he was snapped out of whatever lovestruck daze he was in by Jared. The boy pushed his glasses up on his nose, shooting Connor an unamused look.

“When are you gonna tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

Jared’s frown only deepened at this.

“That you’re from the future.”

“Right, because he’ll totally believe me.”

“I did!”

“You’re already a conspiracy theorist, it didn’t take much convincing!”

“Be that as it may, you and I both know he needs to know the truth.”

Connor sighed.

“I’m just scared of what he’ll think.”

“Connor, promise me you’ll tell him.”

“I-”

“ _ Promise.” _

Connor threw his hands up in frustration, voice louder than before.

“I promise i’ll tell him!”

“Good.”

With that, Jared turned and stalked off, leaving Connor wondering if that entire exchange had been a weird hallucination. He glanced towards where he had watched Evan leave, letting out a heavy sigh.

“...Eventually.”

With that, he reluctantly moved away from the lockers, heading out the main door of the school to sit in his car and trouble himself with his thoughts.

 

He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lived bitch.  
> So I know it's been a while, but long story short i've changed my medication and have been going to therapy and i'm actually getting better? It was really hard to get this chapter out because of my lack of motivation, but your guyses support is honestly what keeps me going through every chapter of this fic. Anyways, for any Softmushie fans, you'll see that I mentioned her as Jared's "girlfriend from another school". She drew me Connor wearing a cowboy hat, so I was obligated to give her my thanks for such a blessing. Feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated, and if you want to make fanart for this fic, tag me on tumblr at PuffandFlip so I can see it! I absolutely adore you guys and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> One more thing!  
> A shoutout to Even Robots Need Blankets by HarperKyle! It's a tree bros fic with android Evan and i'm in love with it so far! If you guys have written anything, link it down in the comments, i'd love to read it.   
> Well that was a lot of rambling. Sorry about that!  
> Anyways, stay classy, my amigos!


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